Still Feeling Blah...

I think I might had figured out why Fifty Shades of Grey was such a popular book.

I am pretty sure I am not the only person who finds herself with a to do list so long that one needs another list just to organize the original list.

I just do not know where to start. And frankly, it is hard to get motivated to do anything when you know that as soon as the rest of the family gets home, the house more or less looks like you have not cleaned at all.

So here I find myself in the afternoon, or sometimes in the morning, taking a survey around my house. Taking a deep breath. And saying Screw This. Why should I be the only who cares/

Next thing I know, I am sitting with a cup of tea (I probably would had prefer wine, but I really should draw the line at drinking at 9 in the morning...)... reading a digital copy of Fifty Shades... nothing like mindless fiction to take the edge off.

And sadly.... my fantasy does not so much revolve around the playroom, but having a person to clean my playroom.

Never done....

Awhile ago I wrote about feeling a little bit dissatisfied with my life; about feeling a little blah (you can read all about it here).

Well, while I was vacuuming, I figured out why I was feeling a little bit antsy. Actually two thoughts popped into my head.

A) I think about a lot of weird and random stuff while vacuuming, doing dishes, folding laundry...

and B) I am not happy (granted I am not actually unhappy either), because nothing I do ever gets finished.

I miss the feeling of completion, of feeling like it is done; it is over; never have to look at it again. You know, like the feeling you get after writing the last final of the year (before the panic on how well you did or did not do sets it). It is the same feeling I got when I submitted finished projects at work.

But now, nothing I do seems to end. I vacuum, and then the rest of the family comes home, and I might as well not have vacuumed at all. The same thing happens when I clean. And don't even get me started about cooking; sometimes I feel like I am chained to the kitchen.

I realize when I worked, after one project was finished, we immediately started working on another project. However, here is the key word – ANOTHER – as in something different. Why? Because the last project is done, finished, in the past. However with housework and some other things happening right now, I feel like I am doing the same things over and over and over again.

And, I know raising a child is a job that will NEVER end. My own parents still treat me like I am a kid, and I am pretty sure that I will always be a little bit worried about my little one, even after she is all grown up with kids of her own.

But, still this does not stop me from wishing for just one moment to feel like I have finished something.

I guess the best I can hope for today is this post. As it is done, over, and posted.

Lack of accomplishments...

So it has been a month since my daughter went back to school.

At first I thought that I would feel more relax now that she is not with me all the time, or that I can get more accomplished during my day.

Well I am so very very wrong.

I do not feel relax at all. It has taken me about this long to get back on schedule. It does not help that my daughter comes home for lunch about three times a week, which means, on those days I essentially have two hours off between drop off and pick up and drop off and pick up again... Sometimes I feel like I have just enough time to sit down and have a sip of tea.

As for accomplishing anything, i did NOTHING. I had huge plans to clean and tidy. However at this moment, my house looks like a small tornado went through it. Granted it is Monday, and no one cleans on the weekend - okay I refuse to clean on weekends unless someone is coming over, and if I do not clean, the other residents in this house rarely cleans (unless someone is coming over).

My other excuse is that I was also sick for a week, and who cleans and do stuff while they are sick? As an aside, I did make a wonderful discovery: the inability to taste salt makes for a great diet, I have massively cut down on snacking and have shrunk down my portion sizes.

I also had plans to write more, but as anyone who reads this and checks out the dates of my posts... that obviously did not happen either.

So here is the plan – first step, make a plan. Well that is about all I got so far. I will let you know if I can accomplish anything today, or maybe I will just wait until tomorrow.

So I have been feeling a little blah lately.

I see all these unfinished projects around me, but I lack the will to get my ass in gear to complete any of them..

Take writing for example. I am barely writing twice a month. Twice a month... I was aiming to put something down once a week... and really, it should not take me that long to type a few words, after all, I am not aiming to write 20 page essays. It is not even because I have no idea what to write; I have a couple of ideas gathering cobwebs in some corner of my mind. I just don't seem to be able to get motivated.

I turn my computer on, and instead of doing something productive, I play games, watch Youtube videos, sit there and wait for my friends to add new posts on Facebook, or read all sort of gossipy celebrity websites..

Meanwhile, my floors are gathering dust, the clothes in my closet are threatening to fall down on me, there is some sort of science project growing in my fridge, and my bathroom is... okay, I still clean the bathroom, I am not that gross yet... but close.

I just don't feel like doing anything. And simply thinking about finishing projects makes me feel overwhelmed, and yet, I feel restless. I want to do something, yet I do not know what, and how.

Maybe I need a change. Or maybe I just need to hunker down, get a list going and just do something. I know I will probably feel better if I just finish something.

Maybe after posting this, I will finally pull the vacuum cleaner out again or maybe I will just watch one more video online.