This year's love letter

Hello, I know it is late, again... but here is this year's love letter.  (And if you are interested, here is the link to last year's letter)

To my darling Ambition,

Oh where have you gone my dear? It seems ages since we were together.

I remember a time when we use to have a goal; and we would stubbornly do everything, fight anyone, and even ignore certain pleasures just to reach that goal.

These days, we feel a great sense of accomplishment if we managed to vacuum, and to clean the bathroom.

It is not you my dear Ambition. I think it is me and my lack of goals. Really, my life these days seems to revolve around getting the laundry out of the dryer and folded (which I really should be doing right now) and deciding what we should eat for dinner.

There are days when this is enough. However, there are days when I miss wanting and reaching for more.

Oh Ambition, maybe it is not you who have left me, but me who has abandoned you.

Though there is still this one important goal that we are still striving for together – to love and raise our most precious little darling. Maybe this is enough.

Love,

Me

PS yes... I am going to finish the laundry after this....

Happy New Year, yeah I know it is already February....

Well so much for starting the new year by writing more.

Oh well... as I say to myself, every year, it is better late than never, so here it is: this year's anti resolution list. (This was last year's list).

So last year was about trying to have more fun. I am not sure how successful we were at reaching that goal, but I say we had some pretty good times, minus some major and minor bumps in the road.

This year I am doubling the amount of goals for myself.

Goal 1 – try to not feel so guilty all the time.

I figure this goal can be reached one of two ways. The first way is to just get my ass in gear and get the job done, whether it is dishes in the sink (or finally writing in this blog), and/or by sucking it up, put on a happy face, and just do it, like playing a card game for the millionth time, even if I do not want to because it makes my kid happy. To me, it is better to just get things done quickly than to leave it and then feel bad about it after. Besides, in the latter, even if the card game sucks, I do love spending time with the kid.

The second way to reach this goal is to just stop feeling guilty. It annoys the hell out of me when my husband is sick and refuses to let me help him with stuff. For one thing, it takes him twice as long to do anything, and then I have to listen to him complain about how much he hurts after. And then I realize, I do the exact same thing. So this year, I am going to give myself permission to just not do stuff (sometimes) and to not feel bad. I have to learn that I am not responsible for everything, and that I can ask for help – plus I should not feel bad for asking for help.

Goal 2 – stop saving everything

I am one of those people that like to save things for special occasions. This year, I am going to start using more and saving less. I do not mean I am going off to max out my credit cards and not give a dam. I am talking about the things I already own. For example, I am going to start actually drinking the expensive teas that I have, instead of just keeping it for when company comes over, especially since I rarely entertain. I am going to wear that cute skirt just for fun, whether it is going out or even just hanging around the house. I have donated many outfits with tags on, in the past, because they no longer fit or were simply out of style. And, I am going to let my daughter do this too. What is the point of allowing her to have toys if I don't let her play with them – we have a large collection of craft kits that we kept around for rainy days that we have yet to open; I have to learn that we can craft on sunny days as well.

So here are my two goals this year. Right now, I feel kind of good for getting this off my chest, and at the same time feel okay about the dishes that I am ignoring, in the sink, while I am doing this.

Happy New Year!