So this year we decided to make my
daughter's halloween costume. Next year, we will most likely be
buying one for her....
Anyway, I realize while I was swearing
about how hard it is to thread a needle at 11:00 at night that it was
moments like these that really make me feel like a parent.
Little moments like stuffing
Valentine's day envelopes for her when she was in pre-school, baking
cookies at midnight for her class because someone forgot to
tell me about a class party the next day, or making a halloween
costume, are, oddly, what makes me feel most like a mom.
You would think feeling like a mom
should occur when I am actually parenting. However, I consider those
moments more like emergency triage situations.... we do what we must
to survive. I am too busy trying to keep her alive to consider my
own feelings (okay I admit I probably do feel a bit of shame during
the times that I completely lost my temper).
Or, you would think that it should be
the moments that I spend time with her and doing fun things together
that would make me feel like a parent. But at those time, I am so
concentrated on her, and hopefully having fun together, that I do not
really think much about being a parent either.
So what we are left with are the little
quiet moments like sewing back together stuffies, or packing
tomorrow's lunch that makes me feel parental. I think these moments
without her allows me to actually take a moment to breathe and to
reflect about what my life is like now. And for the most part, I am
pretty happy being where I am.
