selective memory...

When I was in school, I once took a film course, and in one of the units we talked about non-linear story telling – when you tell a story out of sequence, like the movie Memento (though I argue that Memento is a linear story, just told more or less backwards...)

Anyway, do you know who are the best non-linear story tellers? CHILDREN!

My kid was recently invited to a movie birthday party. She had a great time!

Though trying to get her to explain to me the plot of the movie was like pulling teeth from a fully awake tiger... And, it was not just her, we were driving her friend home as well, and he offered little help in deciphering what actually happened in the movie. The two of them just remembered random bits of the movie; completely out of order, of course. Basically, they only told me the parts they liked.

This got me to think if young children's memory of their daily lives is similar to how they remember movies and television shows – that is they only remember things in some random order, and only recall things that they like. Or as Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice once said “Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.”

This may explain why my daughter can recall every embarrassing moment that happened to me in the last three years and yet cannot seem to remember to sit properly or to eat faster, as I often have to remind her during dinner.

Oh! And my favourite repeated lecture – “Please, think before you speak or act.” I swear, I want to tape that particular 'talk' and whenever I need it, I can just hit the play button and walk away so that I do not have to hear the sound of my own voice again. Maybe, my kid honestly just do not remember these lectures chats, or lost the context associated with these talks because they do not make her happy.

Though I am not happy with her selective memory, I am also a bit jealous at the same time. I am not the type of person who can live in the now. I am always thinking about the results/consequences of my actions (and sometimes future actions), or regretting my past mistakes (yes. sometimes I have trouble sleeping at night).

So sometimes, I look at my daughter when she is playing and think that it must be nice to be able to just enjoy the moment, and maybe later that night, forget all about the bills, the chores, the worries, and just fall asleep thinking about the fun things we did today.

Halloween Costumes...

My daughter wants to be yet another Disney princess this Halloween.

I am not thrilled about it (she is a bit obsessed with princesses), but it could be worse. For one thing, I have a rather large collection of princess costumes given to me by various family members and friends, so I neither had to pay for nor make a costume. So YEAH! Also, the princess costumes we own pretty much covers her from head to toe. Double YEAH!

Nevertheless, I am still starting to worry about the age appropriateness of costumes, so much so, that I am starting to dread Halloween (or sometimes wish I had a boy around this time of year). Every year as I look down the aisles of Halloween costumes, all I see are hemlines going up and necklines going down (I also realize that I am becoming a prude). It almost seems that children costumes go from fully covered and 'cute' for the six and younger crowd and then jump right to skirts that barely cover their thighs for the seven plus crowds – almost like for every year, the skirt gets shorten by an inch. I understand that Halloween is a time for dress up and to pretend to be someone or something you are not, but I really do not want my five year old to play dress up as some little lolita.

Even if I ignore the fact that I find a lot of these costumes not age appropriate, these costumes, with minimal amount of material, is highly impractical... most kids still trick or treat. And where I live, it is bloody cold at the end of October; who the hell wants to stop getting free candy to go home because you are freezing your ass off? And, what is the point of wearing a costume if you have to cover the entire thing up with a ski jacket or risk hypothermia?

Yes, you can argue that I can always make a more age appropriate costumes for my little one, and allow her to help and to use her imagination. But I do not always have the time, have no crafting skills whatsoever, and frankly, I am lazy...

So dear retailers and costume makers, I am willing to give you my hard earned cash, but please have something available that I would want to buy my little girl – something that will allow her to still look like a little girl and not some tiny twenty year old.

a walk in the park, followed by a smack in the face with reality...

During a walk home from the park with my daughter, my little one started to talk about her best friend, AND how the two of them decided to get married someday (she told me he already asked and she replied yes, but he has not asked for my permission yet...)

I, of course, looked at her and smiled, and told her she would not be getting married for a number of years, and maybe she, or he, may change her, or his, mind before then.

She has plenty of time to think about when, and who, she is going to marry. Also, if her father has his way, she will not be marrying until she is at least 40.

I then took her little hand in mine, looked at her, and said, “Besides, you cannot legally marry until you are at least 18 years old, that will be 13 years from now.” (I skipped the part about getting parental permission or getting yourself declared an adult.)

As soon as I said the words '13 years', I immediately felt a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. Though I know logically that 13 years is a long time from now, it really does not feel that far away. In a little more than a decade, my little baby will be legally a grown up!

Where did the time go? And how in the world can I stop her from growing up, or at least, prevent her from becoming a teenager...

Then she looked up at me with her big innocent eyes and told me 18 is very old – if she thinks 18 is old, what am I? Some sort of ancient hag?

She then shrugged her shoulders, and told me yeah, maybe he or she will find someone else. And, she happily skipped off to play.

It made me kind of want to freeze her at this age forever.

from this...

to this in a blink of an eye... sigh...

ring picture courtesy of Johanna Ljungblom

To correct or not to correct...

I know it is my job as a parent to teach my child, and to 'correct' her when she is doing something wrong.

However, sometimes I find it very hard to do that; especially when it comes to the way she speaks.

My little one is getting older now, and she is losing the last vestiges of her 'baby talk', so I am finding it more and more difficult to correct her pronunciation of certain words (I do try to correct grammar, though that might actually do more harm than good).

I just REALLY miss hearing her say lellow (instead of yellow).

We are trying to help her communicate better with words so that other adults have a chance of understanding her, and are actively trying to remove the 'likes and okays' from her sentences to try to avoid the “like okay mom, like okay, you are so like not cool...”

However, I just cannot let go of her cute little 'words'. It feels almost like I am saying goodbye to my baby, and I am not sure if I am ready to say hello to my little big girl yet.

So, the only thing I have left these days are my “isgusting's” (instead of disgusting), and I plan to protect them as long as I can. And, I do not care who it 'isgusts'.

Making the Magic Last

My little girl is convinced she is a fairy. I believe she is sometimes a evil little gnome... but most of the time, I have to agree, there is something quite magical about her, at least to me.

Since school started, she has convinced herself that with the help of some magic words usually “Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo; Abracadabra,” she is able to change red streetlights green.

I thought about explaining to her that the light is going to turn green whether she says the words or not, or that magic spells work about as well as repeatedly pressing the crosswalk button... but then I stopped myself. Why stop her from seeing magic everywhere?

I am going to try and keep my little magical fairy for a bit longer.

Conquering one fear at a time...

So we made it. She made it back from her field trip alive and well (see last post), and she had a wonderful adventure.

I made it too! I dropped her off at school without any incident, and I did not even hang around to watch them get on the school bus.

I find it very hard to not impose my fears onto her. So while images of lost little children and car crashes danced through my head, I continued to put on my happy face and told her that she will have a great time. I do not think she noticed my fears, at least I hope not; she was smiling and excited the entire time.

Okay, there was one little cloud that crossed her face.

I decided to put a note with her school's name and phone number, along with her father's and my contact information into her pocket. Of all the crazy scary scenarios, the losing her school group was the most likely. Even my husband agreed that this was not an unreasonable safety precaution, after all, she was going somewhere filled with other little kids, and my child is (A) quite little, and mainly (B) gets distracted very easily.

I do not think the idea of getting lost ever crossed her mind until that point. I reassured her that this was a just in case thing, and we had a quick talk about finding another teacher, or a police officer if she could not find her group. Then I told her to stick to her friends like glue.

It is hard to do these safety talks without scaring and scarring her, because like me, my little one tends to jump to the worse case scenario. So, when I said quick safety talk, I meant it. I did not want her to dwell on it too long, and we quickly moved right back onto how much fun the trip is going to be.

I want my daughter to be curious, strong, brave and confident. I want her to explore the world without fear (but cautiously, of course). Now if only someone can help me be strong, brave, and confident and tell me how to let her go.

Oh! the added plus for this trip; she had half an hour more of school! Maybe field trips are a good thing after all.

Fighting my Fears

I always thought of myself as being one of those parents who allowed their kids to explore the world with minimal supervision.

Helicopter parent, I am not. I am kind of surprise that the school has not called the cops on me considering how many bruises my kid has on her sometimes – there are times when my kid's love of climbing exceeds her ability to climb that something, and yes I let her fall. BUT, I do make sure that she will not get really hurt, i.e. break anything.

I always believed that giving my child a sense of freedom and the ability to make her own decisions (within limits), and thus the opportunity of making and learning from her own mistakes is important. She has so far mastered the making mistakes, but is a little slower on the learning from it part.

And, I always thought that I was pretty good at controlling my fears and not letting the possibility of something going horribly wrong to affect my decisions.

Well, now all that is about to be thrown out the window... the nearest bus window... you see, my child is about to go on her first school trip; on a school bus; without me. Yes, she is going in a vehicle, with someone else watching her (and a whole bunch of other four and five year olds), and the vehicle does not have a five-point-harnesses system, or some other form of restraining device built in.

I know logically that the chances of something going wrong is very slim. And, there are other adults keeping an eye on her. BUT the other adults are not me.

I am currently trying very hard to ignore all those horrible scenarios that just keep popping into my head (we are talking everything from bus accidents, to the kids being taken hostage, to my little girl getting lost during the trip). So now, I am fighting my urge to just keep her at home with me, and maybe covering her up in bubble wrap and locking her in her room.

The thing is, I am not even sure where this fear and sense of dread is coming from. Until now, I have never been worried about leaving her somewhere. I was never one of those parents who got teary eyed at school/camp drop offs. I was the one who quickly waved and then ran to enjoy my couple of hours of freedom.

Maybe I am afraid this time because I am being forced to acknowledge that she is no longer a baby. This time she is going somewhere without me.

So, I hope my nerves will hold up, as I keep telling myself that everything will be fine, and it will be great. She will have a wonderful time.

And, I will keep in mind that at least I will not be trapped in a metal box with a bunch of excited four and five year olds.

What do you do when you feel scared, but know logically that there is nothing to be afraid of?

picture courtesy of Sam LeVan

Kids and talent and parental obsession

Ever since I was little, I wanted to be really good at something. Not that I suck at everything now, but I find that I do not really excel at anything either. I always felt that if I had found my talent or passion, it would had made my life a bit easier, at least made finding a career that I can stick with easier.

So now, I find myself overcompensating with my daughter. I know you are not suppose to re-live your own life via your children, but it is hard to resist that temptation. No one wants their kids to live through their mistakes; and everyone wants their own children's dreams to come true.

I can now easily see how people end up with musical instruments that no one plays in every room, loads of half finished painted canvases, smelly old sports equipment in a pile somewhere in the basement, and incomplete science experiments growing in the fridge. We already started our musical instrument collection with a lovely pink guitar that has not been touched since the day it was opened at Christmas, and a small violin that is sitting on a dining room chair at this very moment.

I am sure there is a fine line between allowing your child to explore their potential talents, and dragging your child kicking and screaming down a certain path, or even going down the slippery slope that will lead to remortgaging the house to afford skating lessons. Wish someone will tell me where that line is.

Anyway, my daughter's newest obsession is photography. We let her use one of our old digital cameras to take pictures of anything she finds interesting. I think some of her pictures turned out really good.

So as a proud mama bear, here is a small gallery of my daughter's pictures:

Now if you will excuse me, I have to go out and buy her a new camera.

Does your child have a talent? What do you do to encourage it without going overboard?

All pictures are the property of my little monkey

video games, giving in to evil?

I finally gave in. I bought my kid a video game, not a video game I wanted and that she might be interested in. A video game just for her.

I know there are countless studies out there that says video games are bad for kids – increases violent tendencies and aggression, decreases interest in school, increases antisocial tendencies, possible increase risk for depression, increases risk for obesity; and creates urges to jump on

things that look like mushrooms... (okay, maybe not that last one).

But here is the thing - and keep in mind, I love my daughter more than anything in the world - the child has NO hand-eye coordination. And yes, I know there are better ways to improve hand-eye coordination, like taking her outside (which we do lots of already, the child is a great climber) and playing more 'sports' with her, or just throwing things at her, but apparently getting hit in the face (it was one of those soft Nerf balls), has neither taught her to catch better or to get out of the way.

So, I figure maybe playing a video game may help her learn to react a little bit better; without the risk of physical injury. Okay, she can still fall off the couch, but at least it is not mom throwing a ball at her face again (and no I was not aiming at her face, if I was aiming at her face, it would had probably hit her feet... this may explain the whole lack of hand-eye coordination thing).

The other reason for the video game is, sigh, I am pretty sure we have now said goodbye to nap time. She may not need her afternoon nap, but I need it. I need a little break, if anything, just to prep dinner and maybe have some coffee or tea before afternoon 'activities' start again. I figure a bit of video game time may be slightly better than just watching television. At least video games requires some thinking. My feeling is maybe a couple times a week, half-an-hour of television or video game time and then an hour of 'quiet', meaning leave mommy alone time, should be okay (I hope).

And, it is not like I bought her Grand Theft Auto. She got a Dora the Explorer game.

The last reason why I am getting her a video game, and I am the one bowing to peer pressure on this one, a lot of her little friends are playing video games (luckily her close friends are not). I would feel bad that when the time (I am pretty sure this is not an 'if' situation) comes for her to visit a friend's house and they end up playing a video game together, I really don't want her to get her ass whipped.

photo courtesy of stocker

Favourite Times

I saw a question couple of days ago asking: if you can freeze time, at what age or stage would you freeze your child?

And, it got me thinking about and looking at my daughter. I was shocked at how much she has grown, both literally (I swore those pants fit her better last week) and figuratively.

My little one is four now, and I am fascinated by this age and stage. One minute she appears to be so mature, so wise; and then the next minute, I swear she suddenly turned 14, and has become some eye rolling teenager; and just a quick moment after that, she is my little baby again. It is quite an adventure to be experiencing all these stages simultaneously, and seeing such big emotions and reactions coming from such a little body.

But then thinking back, there were highs and lows in all the ages and stages that we have gone through together so far.

I remember I loved being pregnant. It was the only time when I did not have to share my little girl, for nine months, she was all mine. On the other hand, I really did not enjoy almost throwing up every time I brushed my teeth – do you know how much it sucks to brush your teeth, feel nausea, throw up, and then have to brush your teeth again, followed by more nausea, it was some cruel never ending cycle... I was also not particularly thrilled about not seeing my feet, and the stretch marks suck too.

After she was born, I watched her grow and be more aware of her environment. With every day, every week, and every month that passed, she became more and more fun and more interactive with her father and me. And by the time she was one, she started to walk, and can even say a few words! I never thought I could love someone so much. I also never thought my back could hurt so much. And, how in the world was she able to tell when I was not paying attention, and wait until that exact moment to do something dangerous? Also, I missed being able to put her down and finding her again in the exact spot where I placed her.

And then in a blink of an eye, she was two. A very talkative little two year old at that. She loved telling me about her imaginary dogs, and friends, and pointing to things and asking lots of questions. It was amazing to see the world through her little inquisitive eyes; she was just fascinated by everything! On the other hand, one can only answer the question: WHY? so many times each day. Also, at about this age, my daughter discovered her favourite word is NO!

Wow, and before I know it, she was three. She started going to pre-school, so I got a couple of mornings off, YEAH! I think this was when we both learned to be more independent. And, my little girl was definitely independent, or maybe just stubborn. At this point, she started to help a bit more around the house, like setting her own spot at the table, sorting through her laundry, and putting her toys away (okay, throwing it in a basket, which was good enough for me). She was also toilet trained!!! So no more diapers!!! But independence had its draw backs too, by insisting on doing EVERYTHING “self”, it sometimes took us three times as long to do anything. For the most part, I did not mind, but it was a little bit annoying if you were trying to leave the house on time. Also at three, my little one was starting to talk a lot more. The problem with a very vocal child, was that sometimes their vocal skills were aimed at me, sigh... yep, my little angel was starting to argue and talk back at us. I am so not looking forward to the teenage years.

And now, we have come full circle, right back to now.

So, I guess, in this long rambling post, to answer the original question: I do not think I want to freeze time, as my favourite stage is NOW! Yes, there are things that suck, but for the most part, I love her to bits, and raising her is an exciting, and wonderful adventure (for the both of us I hope).

Do you have a favourite stage/age for your child?

Two words that drive me batty...

I WANT.

I think these two words should be removed from a child's vocabulary; especially when used in combination with a whiny voice. Nothing grates on my nerves these days like hearing the words “I want” coming out of my child's mouth.

Seriously, whatever happened to: mommy, may I please or mommy, I would like...

Did I wake up one morning and suddenly went from mommy to servant? Oh wait, servants get paid and have the potential to quit if their boss is being an ass. I now rank beneath a servant.

When did my little girl become a little tyrant? Mommy, do this; mommy, I want; mommy, get me the, mommy, mommy, mommy....

And yes, though I realize that I should hold firm and say no, and make wait for her to ask politely, I am also too tired to deal with another temper tantrum or some whiny tirade. But now, enough is enough, this behaviour cannot be tolerated, and I definitely do not want it to get worse (unless mommy starts seeing some green or some sort of compensation).

So currently, neither my daughter or I are getting what we want. I think we have to settle with being miserable together.

As I am now in a whiny complaining mood myself, here is a partial list of what this mommy wants:

• I want some peace and quiet in the morning, and in the afternoon and the evening too
• I want sleep
• I want someone else to cook dinner, do laundry, and clean...
• I want my pre-baby body
• I want to have a meal without begging, or yelling, and in restaurants, I want to leave before the table that came in after us
• I want to not feel rushed to get home by 9pm
• I want to not feel that 9 pm is very late
• I want a thank you once in a while
• I want to leave the house without feeling rushed
• I want a well behaved child who does not whine and say I want...

But here is the thing I want most in life: I want my daughter to grow up to be a good person. I want her to be happy and proud of who she is.

Oh! And financial security does not hurt either.

What are some of the things that annoy you and what do you want?

Different solutions to the same problem

Sometimes I am really, really proud of my daughter, other times not so much... but for the most part, I am proud. And sometimes, I am surprised at how much more mature she is about responding to certain situations than I am.

This is one of them...

My daughter was not looking as happy as she usually does when I picked her up from school one day. She told me a little kid in her class tried to hit her. After giving her a hug and establishing that hitting is wrong, the next thing I did was to see whether this was done intentionally (even accidental physical contact is a big no to my daughter).

Okay, I feel bad that the first thought in my head was to doubt her interpretation of the event. I realize little kids are sometimes clumsy, and to be honest, my little one is not always aware of her environment, and so may have merely gotten in the way of a moving child.

Anyway, the incident was not accidental, and the kid did not actually hit her; just tried. I was upset, and told her what the kid (though the word brat and other more colourful adjectives were running through my mind at that point) did was wrong, and if it happens again, just tell him NO, you do not like that, in a big voice, and then go tell a teacher.

A couple of days later, I noticed that the little kid was once again bothering her in the playground. I was about to step in to physically remove the child, when I heard a little big voice yelling NO! I do not like that! And there she was standing up tall, and most importantly standing up for herself, and the kid walked away.

Well all was good for a couple of weeks after that, until I picked her up from school one day and saw her sad little face again...

Apparently, not only did the same kid hit her again, this time he spat in her face. Okay, I admit that my child can be a little annoying and patronizing at times, but no matter what she did, NO ONE should be spat on in the face. I think the kid was lucky that I did not find him at that moment.

After calming down, and talking to her, which involved lots of hugs and kisses, I contacted her teacher to let her know what is going on, and then started to think of a solution to this big problem.

This was my solution: if this kid tries to do this again, you have my permission to deck the kid and maybe kick them in the shins or other places that hurt. Or better yet, I will deal with the kid myself. I know this is wrong, so I did not really say this to her, but I was thinking it.

This was her solution(s): avoid the kid. And, make friends with the kid.

Okay, her solution is better than mine, and she came up with it all by herself!

Epilogue

Things seem to be better between my child and the kid. Though there is still the occasional incident, she seems to be handling it okay, with the help of her other friends. But beware kid, if my daughter's solution does not work, we are going with my plan.

The inner tiger escapes

I think I just had my first tiger mom moment, at least the first that I am consciously aware of.

So there I was, sitting with my child, at her little homework table, making her copy a simple pattern that I drew on a piece of paper. And, at some point, I told her that she was not to leave this spot until she got the pattern right. I think we sat there anywhere from 30 min to an hour.

This was definitely one of my not-so-proud parenting moments. I forgot to mention this happened in the evening, and I knew she was tired (we were all tired), and still I could not help but to push.

I just did not know what else to do.

My daughter is a pretty smart little girl, and can pick up a lot of things pretty easily; when she wants to. My husband and I often joke that she can probably start doing calculus now if she puts her mind to it. It is the 'when she wants to' that is becoming the problem. If she is not in the mood to do something, and it is not coming easily to her, she will just give up. I do not want her to go through life and just give up on every obstacle. I explained to her that not everything is easy, and sometimes it takes many tries to get really good at something. But, there she was, at her desk, half-assing the picture and telling me that she could not do it. It was not like I was asking her to recreate the Sistine Chapel, it was two little parallel lines.

So I pushed and pushed and said no to little mistakes. I am proud that there was no yelling the entire time; just lots of 'no, please try again'. Okay, I am very ashamed of the threats though – the there would be no time for a bath if you take any longer to do this (the child does not like to be dirty) and the if you do not at least try, what is the point of you going to school, maybe you should just stay home and be a blob (she also really likes school).

It broke my heart when the tears started to come, but I decided that this time, I will show her that mom will not give up on her, and she will not give up either. She does not understands right now, but I think the worst thing I can do is to give up – even if all I want to do is to throw my hands up and go, you win, mommy gives up.

Yes, I think maybe we did go a little overboard over two little lines this time (I am also a big believer in picking your battles, maybe this time I picked the wrong one), but I just really wanted to make a point.

And yes, in the end, she drew the two little lines. It was not perfect, but it was close, which was all I was hoping for. The goal was for her to look, think, and most importantly try.

I really hope that I do not do this again (I doubt it though), and maybe I can find a better way to approach this next time (I would love to hear suggestions).

For now, the tiger is once again caged. But if it is needed, I still have the key.

photo courtesy of: MeiTeng

Quality vs Quantity

The other day my daughter asked me to play with her. I then told her not right now, mommy is tired, and besides mommy has been with you all day... and then I settled her down for a little craft project that she can do herself.

Later that night, it occurred to me that I have not sat down and just played with her in a while. I can't remember the last time we had a tea party, or went pretend shopping in the basement. It hit me that though I spend a lot of time with her, and I mean A LOT - we go to the park, to the beach, to the museum, to the farm, and sometimes we read, do crafts and play board games - we rarely just sit and play.

I think it is my need to always feel productive, or that the activity we choose should somehow lead to bettering oneself that blinds me to the idea of just playing for fun.

So here is a promise. The next time she wants to throw me a tea party; a tea party we shall have, unless I am to tired of course...

taking some time to stop and feed the chickens...

More things that I have learned from my daughter.

I am starting to think that I should call my daughter mom...

Before I became a mom, I had these little daydreams of taking my little one to the museum, or the gallery, or little shopping trips, but I did not have any dreams involving acting like a complete idiot just to see a smile on someone’s face (okay only one person), and then feeling really good about it.

Yep, my little one has taught me to be less self-conscious. Who cares if people are staring at us when we do our silly walks or silly dances down the sidewalk (as long as it does not cause a traffic jam), and we are not really hurting anyone if we decide to wear polka-dots and plaid out for lunch one day.

And, most importantly, there is no such thing as laughing too loud (granted there are inappropriate times to laugh, but that is another issue all together). Even if the laughter, right now, is over the word “bum” (yes, it is my child’s newest obsession... jokes about bums and what comes out of them... and yes, I am anticipating a call from her school next year).

So here is to being young, carefree, silly, and all the bum jokes you can take.

Discipline and Punishment

Okay, I know the theory and the reasoning behind discipline and punishment. One is about guidance and teaching, while the later, let’s face it… is about revenge.

Now the problem is about application.

It is very hard to think about discipline when I am a seething ball of rage, and all I can think about is throttling my little one’s throat, like the way Homer does to Bart. Now, I have and probably will NEVER lay a hand on my child, but that does not stop the angry mom in me from thinking about it.

The other problem is that sometimes the logical consequences for discipline is punishing me!

Take for example the other day… my child decided to take forever to eat her lunch, and I was trying to rush her a bit because she has camp (an activity that she thoroughly enjoys). The logical thing to do would be to stay calm and tell her that if she does not finish, there would be no camp. Then I thought about it. If I do not let her go to camp, it would mean I would be stuck with her for the rest of the afternoon… I know, I can take her lunch away, but I think that would actually be a reward for her. And, I am pretty sure my child can last for days (or long enough for someone to call child services on me) and not eat.

So, I walked her to camp. But, during the walk, I was so angry that I was afraid to hold her little hand fearing that I would squeeze it too tight.

Normally, I am not this angry over slow eating, but she has been like this for a couple of days, and she was not eating because she was not paying attention. I think I hit my breaking point when she started to give me attitude when I asked her (nicely) to eat faster. Honestly, when was it okay for a four year old to talk back to her parents?

So, I really do not know what to do. Most of the time, she is a very good girl. She is just stubborn (like both her mom and dad), especially once she is determined to do something.

So here is hoping that she will apply this stubbornness and determination to being a doctor or lawyer…

What I learned from my daughter…

As a mother, a major part of my job is to teach my daughter things. You know, things like looking both ways when crossing the street (even if it is a one way street), chew with your mouth close, boys are icky… the usual stuff. However, this time it was my little one who showed me something…

Sometimes, it is best to throw away the best-laid plan and just go rolling down a hill.

The other day we had a birthday party, and of course there were snacks, pizza, presents and CAKE! Cake is always very important. This party, we tried something different. We had organized games. This is when I truly appreciated how hard her teachers worked - trying to organize a bunch of three and four year olds to do something together that involved order was like trying to herd cats, a group of wild cats.

The kids did play the games, sort of. They had fun, especially when they made up their own rules. But for my little one, the highlight of her day (besides cake and presents) was the sheer joy of running up and down a hill near the birthday party site. Yep, that was it, no need for fancy decorations, weeks of careful planning, hours of praying for no rain, days spent shopping for all sort of party related stuff, all we needed was a hill and some grass and she was happy.

This party made me realize that I over complicate and over think things all the time. I should be happy with what is there, enjoy the simple pleasures in life, and to relax and take a tumble (albeit gentle one) down and hill and just have fun.

Summertime blues…

When I was a kid, I LOVED summer vacation – no school; sleeping in; hanging out with friends; hanging out in front of the TV; being a lazy blob… what is there not to love?

And then I became a parent…

I now view summer vacation with a slight sense of dread. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with my kid, but I also love the couple of hours that I have to myself while she is in school.I need that time to run errands and to clean the house; okay, who am I kidding, I need those hours to watch useless crap on youtube.

Now, she is officially out of school. And, not only do I lose my Internet time; I feel I must find ways to entertain her. Unfortunately, this leads to my second problem… I am a bit of an obsessive planner and scheduler (I blame this on my father). I will plan when my daughter has time to breathe if I can. Also, I like things to run on MY time – if ‘fun’ time starts at 10:00, then it has to start at 10:00, not 9:59, and sure as hell not 10:01…

Now, my child usually will not follow a schedule (willingly), no matter how prettily colour coded I make it – the child does not feel the sense of urgency about anything; I am pretty sure the house can be on fire, and she will still insist on taking half an hour to put on her shoes herself. I, on the other hand, will start feeling anxious if I am slightly thrown off my carefully laid out plan. Not that either of these extremes is a good thing.

This brings us back to why I use to love summer… the potential to do nothing, and everything.So, this summer, I am going to try to take it easy with my little one and see what she wants to do and go from there. We do have a couple of weekend getaways in the early stages of planning, and she does have a couple of weeks of camps booked, but the rest of the summer is FREE!

So, here’s to sleeping in, playing at the park, digging in the sand, biking to nowhere, going on adventures, doing absolutely nothing, and especially the weeks when she is at camp so that I get my couple of hours back.

To my little darling...

Dear Little One,

I cannot believe that you are another year older! You are becoming such a big girl now, sorry, young lady! I barely remember what life was like before you. I do vaguely recall more sleep and being able to stay out past 9:00. But now, I will not trade you for anything in the world!

So my darling, here are some birthday promises that I would like to make to you. I promise that we will not always agree - I have a feeling this will get worse as you get older - but I will always try to keep an open mind and to listen to you. I promise that I will not be there to catch every fall, but I will always be there to help pick you up. And, most importantly, I PROMISE to LOVE you forever and ever (even if you do drive me crazy).

And here is my birthday wish for you: I wish you to grow up to be happy in whatever it is that you decide to do (even if it is becoming a fairy princess and not a lawyer...).

I still do not believe how big you are getting. And though I miss my little girl (I definitely DO NOT miss changing diapers), I am very much looking forward to meeting the little person you are becoming.

Love,

Mom

The changing me....

As I stood there, alone, at the corner, impatiently waiting for the light to change, it occurred to me that since becoming a mother, I have become a better-behaved person. Note that I did not say a better person… I still have evil thoughts about the jerk that cut me off, and the dink that did not pick up after his/her dog….

So there I am standing, tapping my foot, when suddenly I thought why in the world am I not crossing? There are no cars to be seen for miles, and other people are walking and giving me funny stares.

Now I am thinking, while I was crossing against the light, that my little one has me very well trained. In order to teach her traffic safety, I am now willing to walk half a block out of my way to cross at a light, and will stand there, like a statue, staring at the red hand, even if there are no cars around.

This led me to realize that since I had the kid, I have also started to drive at the speed limit (not that I was a reckless driver, I just drove fast, possibly because I was always late). And, not only do I wear a helmet, I now obey all traffic laws when I am on my bike.

Then, there is also the constant hand washing and stress on cleanliness. Of course I washed my hands before I ate or prepared food etc… but now I wash my hands if I even think they might be dirty.

I have made other changes as well. I try to be more outgoing and friendlier to show my little one that she too can make new friends. I am trying to be more patient. I have learned that children work on their own schedules, which is to say things get done when it gets done… I am learning to control my temper, at least outwardly even if I am seething ball of rage underneath.

I am sure that having a child has changed me in many more ways than what I have listed above, but I just cannot think of one at this time. How has it changed you?

Oh! Yes, I remember another one, I can function on less sleep (though not as well as my college days…), but my memory is shot.

I am still a work in progress…and I hope these changes will not only help me be a better-behaved person, but a better person as well, and most importantly, a better mom.