Feeling like a parent...

So this year we decided to make my daughter's halloween costume. Next year, we will most likely be buying one for her....

Anyway, I realize while I was swearing about how hard it is to thread a needle at 11:00 at night that it was moments like these that really make me feel like a parent.

Little moments like stuffing Valentine's day envelopes for her when she was in pre-school, baking cookies at midnight for her class because someone forgot to tell me about a class party the next day, or making a halloween costume, are, oddly, what makes me feel most like a mom.

You would think feeling like a mom should occur when I am actually parenting. However, I consider those moments more like emergency triage situations.... we do what we must to survive. I am too busy trying to keep her alive to consider my own feelings (okay I admit I probably do feel a bit of shame during the times that I completely lost my temper).

Or, you would think that it should be the moments that I spend time with her and doing fun things together that would make me feel like a parent. But at those time, I am so concentrated on her, and hopefully having fun together, that I do not really think much about being a parent either.

So what we are left with are the little quiet moments like sewing back together stuffies, or packing tomorrow's lunch that makes me feel parental. I think these moments without her allows me to actually take a moment to breathe and to reflect about what my life is like now. And for the most part, I am pretty happy being where I am.

We no longer negotiate with children in this house...

Well maybe sometimes... and maybe if they are well behaved and quiet....

I declare that in my house, we are no longer a democracy, but a dictatorship, and I am the dictator (okay... co-dictator... the other parent has a say too...sometimes...). This house shall no longer be ruled by an eight-year-old tyrant.

I am just so tired of asking for things over, and over, and over, and over again. And these are not even big, time consuming, absolutely no fun things like clean your room. All I want is for my daughter to wash her hands and come to dinner. This should not take twenty minutes.

Though I want to encourage my daughter's preparation to become a lawyer (the child tries to find any technicality to weasel her way or bargain her way out of doing things), the countless minutes/hours of negotiating with her to do the littlest thing is grating on my nerves. Why must everything be done in “five minutes, mom?” which in child time spans can range from anywhere from an actual five minutes to half an hour.

All I want is a couple of days in a roll (I have even given up the hope of it lasting a full week) of me not leaving my house in the morning angry, because we wasted half our morning 'negotiating' an extra five minutes of TV or five minutes of petting the dog, which if you think about it is not that bad, but my daughter is a dawdler and is easily distracted, by air molecules... that extra 10 minutes is the difference between a leisurely, happy stroll to school or a mad dash up the hill.

I have tried the natural consequences route. I have explained it to her, repeatedly, that if she eats a bit faster or skips her television show, she can play with the puppy longer; or if she does not want to play with the puppy that is fine too, then she can have more TV. I have tried the not rushing thing and just show up late to school. Guess what, she does not care. She whines a bit about being late, which is annoying, but in the end she runs in, sees her friends and forgets all about it.

So I have now put my foot down. She will do what I say when I say it.

However, my problem is that I do not want her to grow up and just blindly follow orders (with the exception of mine, of course). I want her to question authority if she feels that something is wrong. I want her to be able to stand up and think for herself and to find her voice.

But my feeling is that she is still in single digits, and for now, mommy does know better in some things, so she really should listen and do what mommy tells her to, for now. However I told her that she can always ask me why I told her to do certain things after she does them. In fact, I encourage her to always ask me why, but after. And, I promised her that if she shows that she is listening better, she can start asking 'why' before she does the thing, and maybe we can negotiate about starting to negotiate again.

This year's love letter

Hello, I know it is late, again... but here is this year's love letter.  (And if you are interested, here is the link to last year's letter)

To my darling Ambition,

Oh where have you gone my dear? It seems ages since we were together.

I remember a time when we use to have a goal; and we would stubbornly do everything, fight anyone, and even ignore certain pleasures just to reach that goal.

These days, we feel a great sense of accomplishment if we managed to vacuum, and to clean the bathroom.

It is not you my dear Ambition. I think it is me and my lack of goals. Really, my life these days seems to revolve around getting the laundry out of the dryer and folded (which I really should be doing right now) and deciding what we should eat for dinner.

There are days when this is enough. However, there are days when I miss wanting and reaching for more.

Oh Ambition, maybe it is not you who have left me, but me who has abandoned you.

Though there is still this one important goal that we are still striving for together – to love and raise our most precious little darling. Maybe this is enough.

Love,

Me

PS yes... I am going to finish the laundry after this....

The grass is always greener...

I love my house. I love the layout of my house. I love that is virtually the perfect size for us. I love the neighbourhood we are in. I really have nothing to complain about... but...

And that is the problem, there seems to be always a but with me. I am trying very hard to appreciate and just accept the things that I have. And I really do appreciate my house. However, as soon as I type this, I start thinking that my house will be perfect, if only it had parking, and maybe another bedroom, OH! And a master en-suite.

Is it just me that does this? I know if I just learn to accept things my life will be easier. I have been like this since I was little – at school, an A+ was not good enough, I had to be perfect. Okay, I learned quite quickly that an A+ was more than good enough; and most of the time I was happy with a B.

Then I find myself looking at my daughter's report card and wondering why it is not straight A+. I did take a deep breath and remembered that she was only in grade one, and really, so what if she got a B in “play”.

She actually did pretty good, in that she improved from last semester's report card, which really was what I wanted to see. But I cannot help but to push her still.

The thing is, I know she can do better if she just pays a bit more attention – she can get the correct answer for 5 + 3 and yet get 3 + 5 wrong. All I really want is for her to be self motivated. I want her to want to do her best.

And yet, I do not want her to become neurotic about it, like me, I want her to realize that her best is good enough, as long as it is indeed her best. At least for now, I do not want her to work for grades, I want her to work to want to learn things and to get better – the working on grades thing can come later.

I want her to enjoy the journey and the rewards of reaching her goal. I want her to always have goals, but be willing to sometimes accept that things are the way they are. I want me to learn these things.

Sure, a parking spot would be nice, but to get one,we will have to move because there is no possible way for me to afford a house with a parking spot where I live; and I am not about to move from this house.

So I should accept that though it is nice to dream, I should really be happy with what I have. And trust me, I know I am much luckier than most.

On the other hand.... I can always win the lottery....  

Hello God...

My daughter came home the other day and told me about a problem at school. Nothing big, someone, or thing, was knocking some toys over, and she could not figure out who, or what, it was. So she and her friends decided to stakeout the toy area to catch who was doing this naughty thing. Apparently the plan failed. I guess they got bored after five minutes.

Then I asked her what they did next... and she told me they sat and prayed to God. I said, “Excuse me?”

Yep, my daughter and her friends got on their knees and prayed...

I was not raised in a very religious household. I did go to church when I was little, but I basically thought of church as a place to colour and make pretty crafts. My dad continued to drag us to church until my early teens, and then he got tired of fighting with us every week, and/or he started enjoying sleeping in.

Anyway, with my daughter I pretty much left religion out of our lives. I want it to be her choice when she is older.

However, I am starting to think I am wrong in my approach of completely ignoring religion. My daughter is now being told about God by a bunch of other six and seven year olds. And, If I remember correctly, young children often mistake God for Santa Claus. I had to tell her that God is not there for you to pray to for stuff, it is more complicated then that.

So maybe this is the year I finally tell her that Christmas is not about getting presents and Santa, and that Easter has very little to do with a bunny and chocolate eggs.

I hope that as a family, maybe we can also research what other people celebrate and believe in (her school does discuss most major religious celebrations, last year, she wanted to light a menorah, but I forgot when Chanukah started...).

I realize that we will be going on this new adventure with a heavy Christian bias (I teach what I know), but my goal is for her to learn that it is okay to believe in other things (as long as it does not hurt other people), and even if you do not always agree, you should respect other people's point of view. Or, in terms she understands – just because mommy thinks Toopy and Binoo is the most annoying cartoon ever made, it does not mean that you cannot like it (however, sometimes you may just have to watch it in a different room....).

Do you have suggestions on how to talk to your kid about religion?

Sometimes reading is overrated...

For the last two years my husband and I have been trying to get our child to read. After much encouraging, bribing, yelling, crying, begging, hair pulling... she is now willing to read on her own, and sometimes, she even enjoys doing it.

And then, I discovered that my child likes to read at the most inconvenient (and sometimes inappropriate) times or places.

I remember one incident that took place a couple of years ago while we were out getting dessert. Up until that day, I was able to avoid telling my small child about certain ice cream flavours (the ones embedded with a lot of candy, and therefore has a lot of extra sugar) because she could not read the menu. For this outing, my daughter suddenly decided she was able to read the words 'Easter Egg'. Prior to that words like 'a' and 'the' were sometimes beyond her reading ability. I was not quite sure whether I should be proud or annoyed.

Then just last week, my husband was walking down the street with her when they approached a light pole where someone decided to exercise their artistic ability and wrote a word for the world to read. That word of course was F*%#. And, my curious and now literate child decided that this was the perfect time to practice sounding out a new word. Being a single syllable word, and having years of practice with early readers describing different colour trucks, ducks and pucks (we are Canadian after all...), she did not have any trouble sounding out the “F” word; and then proceeded to say it out loud, and quite proudly, to her father in the middle of the street.

Maybe teaching her to read was not that great of an idea...

Giving in....

Last week I gave in...

I gave into child pressure; I gave into peer pressure; I gave into the marketers and advertisers.

I bought my child a Rainbow Loom. Okay, technically, my kid bought herself a rainbow loom – she chose to use her allowance now instead of waiting for Santa to bring her one.

For some odd reason, my adult brain feels that I should justified this purchase. My kid does not care, she is just happy – she was starting to get sick of making her bracelets (I did buy her a pack of elastic refills) using pens.

Here are some of my reasons for why the Rainbow Loom is a good investment...

1. It is only twenty bucks. Actually, it is a little less than twenty dollars. Twenty seems to be my magic amount to spend on a toy that may not be played with for more than a month.

2. My kid was going to spend her allowance on a Barbie doll, which I know would probably not be played with for more than a week...
   
   
3. Making bracelets is helping her with her fine motor skills and hand eye coordination
   
   
4. She is learning to follow instructions
   
   
5. Hopefully, she will learn to see the pattern of how these elastics combine (math skills) and make up her own designs (creativity).
   
   
6. It keeps her quiet and busy.
   
   
7. At least she is not watching television while she is being quiet and busy. Granted, she is now staring intently at my iPad trying desperately to follow the instructions from a nine-year-old girl.
   
   
8. It is something she can do by herself. Okay, I admit that this has yet to actually happen, as a lot of the bracelets and charms seem to require parental involvement. Though I quietly admit that looming is sort of fun, I am anticipating the day when I no longer hear “MOMMY!! HELP! I can't do this....”

9. Her bracelet creations are tiny and are easy to put away (hide). Lego castles and other three dimensional “art works” are both hard to store and often cause great deal of distress when it is time to disassemble or disposal.
   
   
10. As a friend told me – stepping on these little elastics is a lot better than stepping on a piece of Lego.

Do you loom? Or, Do you feel like you have to justify your purchases, or can you just go out and buy something because it is fun?

Lockdown drills....

Last week, my daughter came home from school and gave me a lesson on fire safety.

Listening to her talk about escape plans; stopping, dropping and rolling; and the importance of changing batteries on smoke detectors brings back memories of little me nagging my parents about the exact same things.

However, what is dramatically different from my early days in school is that my little daughter not only has fire drills these days; she has lockdown drills.

Yes, lockdown drills.

I remember my heart just about stopped the very first time she told me about the lockdown drill. She was in junior kindergarten at the time. She described to me how she and her little friends must go to a specific corner in her classroom, crouch down very low, and keep very quiet. (I am thankful for her teacher for glossing over why she and her little friends must do this.)

What has the world come to that a four-year-old has to practice hiding quietly in the corner?

This year, one of her instructors mentioned to the kids that someone might enter the school with a gun (I am pretty sure it was a passing comment, not meant to be fixated upon). Unfortunately, my daughter naturally jumps to the worst possible scenario for most things. So of course, she told me all about how bullets go through walls and windows, and that someone might be coming to shoot her.

I hugged her, then we talked about it, and I told her that the chances of this ever happening was extremely, extremely, slim. I told her the school was very safe, and there were lots of people to keep any bad person who wants to enter out.

I never really know what to do in situations like these. I want to have important and sometimes scary discussions with her. I do not want her to bottle her fears. On the other hand, I feel that by talking about it too much will just be a constant reminder of her fears. I asked her regular teacher what to do, and she told me to talk about it IF she brings it up in conversation.

Luckily for me, by the end of the day, my daughter, more or less, erased the lockdown drill from her memory, which is much better than the week long nightmares that resulted from last year's fire drill.

Too bad I cannot erase the lockdown drill from my memory. I just want to pick her up, hold her tight, and possibly just start homeschooling her.

I realize that I cannot and should not shelter or hide my child from all the evils in this world, but I would like her to feel that everything is made out of magic, rainbows, candies, ribbons and happy endings for just a bit longer.

selective memory...

When I was in school, I once took a film course, and in one of the units we talked about non-linear story telling – when you tell a story out of sequence, like the movie Memento (though I argue that Memento is a linear story, just told more or less backwards...)

Anyway, do you know who are the best non-linear story tellers? CHILDREN!

My kid was recently invited to a movie birthday party. She had a great time!

Though trying to get her to explain to me the plot of the movie was like pulling teeth from a fully awake tiger... And, it was not just her, we were driving her friend home as well, and he offered little help in deciphering what actually happened in the movie. The two of them just remembered random bits of the movie; completely out of order, of course. Basically, they only told me the parts they liked.

This got me to think if young children's memory of their daily lives is similar to how they remember movies and television shows – that is they only remember things in some random order, and only recall things that they like. Or as Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice once said “Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.”

This may explain why my daughter can recall every embarrassing moment that happened to me in the last three years and yet cannot seem to remember to sit properly or to eat faster, as I often have to remind her during dinner.

Oh! And my favourite repeated lecture – “Please, think before you speak or act.” I swear, I want to tape that particular 'talk' and whenever I need it, I can just hit the play button and walk away so that I do not have to hear the sound of my own voice again. Maybe, my kid honestly just do not remember these lectures chats, or lost the context associated with these talks because they do not make her happy.

Though I am not happy with her selective memory, I am also a bit jealous at the same time. I am not the type of person who can live in the now. I am always thinking about the results/consequences of my actions (and sometimes future actions), or regretting my past mistakes (yes. sometimes I have trouble sleeping at night).

So sometimes, I look at my daughter when she is playing and think that it must be nice to be able to just enjoy the moment, and maybe later that night, forget all about the bills, the chores, the worries, and just fall asleep thinking about the fun things we did today.

A Valentine's Day letter...

Okay... I am a bit late with this year's love letter (here is last year's letter)... but I figure it is better late than never...

To my darling Patience,

I cannot really say that I miss you because I never really 'had' you in the first place.

You are the one that got away.

You remain, always, almost within my grasp, just slightly out of reach, a fleeting shadow seen out of the corner of my eye.

There are times when I think that I finally understand you, when I finally catch you, only to have you vanish like smoke after the slightest provocation. Come to think about it, you are a bit of a tease.

You are one of my greatest regrets.

And, I do not want to live with regrets.

I would really love to forge a relationship with you. Nothing ephemeral, something solid that we can build on for the future.

So what say you? Will you help me my darling? Show me your ways. Hold my hand when I want to scream and yell; or, help me take cool, deep breaths when my temper flares.

I do not think I am a lost cause. I will try very hard to work on our relationship. So please, stop running, stay still, and let us see what sort of future we can have together.

Waiting patiently for your reply...

Love,

Me.

Halloween Costumes...

My daughter wants to be yet another Disney princess this Halloween.

I am not thrilled about it (she is a bit obsessed with princesses), but it could be worse. For one thing, I have a rather large collection of princess costumes given to me by various family members and friends, so I neither had to pay for nor make a costume. So YEAH! Also, the princess costumes we own pretty much covers her from head to toe. Double YEAH!

Nevertheless, I am still starting to worry about the age appropriateness of costumes, so much so, that I am starting to dread Halloween (or sometimes wish I had a boy around this time of year). Every year as I look down the aisles of Halloween costumes, all I see are hemlines going up and necklines going down (I also realize that I am becoming a prude). It almost seems that children costumes go from fully covered and 'cute' for the six and younger crowd and then jump right to skirts that barely cover their thighs for the seven plus crowds – almost like for every year, the skirt gets shorten by an inch. I understand that Halloween is a time for dress up and to pretend to be someone or something you are not, but I really do not want my five year old to play dress up as some little lolita.

Even if I ignore the fact that I find a lot of these costumes not age appropriate, these costumes, with minimal amount of material, is highly impractical... most kids still trick or treat. And where I live, it is bloody cold at the end of October; who the hell wants to stop getting free candy to go home because you are freezing your ass off? And, what is the point of wearing a costume if you have to cover the entire thing up with a ski jacket or risk hypothermia?

Yes, you can argue that I can always make a more age appropriate costumes for my little one, and allow her to help and to use her imagination. But I do not always have the time, have no crafting skills whatsoever, and frankly, I am lazy...

So dear retailers and costume makers, I am willing to give you my hard earned cash, but please have something available that I would want to buy my little girl – something that will allow her to still look like a little girl and not some tiny twenty year old.

a walk in the park, followed by a smack in the face with reality...

During a walk home from the park with my daughter, my little one started to talk about her best friend, AND how the two of them decided to get married someday (she told me he already asked and she replied yes, but he has not asked for my permission yet...)

I, of course, looked at her and smiled, and told her she would not be getting married for a number of years, and maybe she, or he, may change her, or his, mind before then.

She has plenty of time to think about when, and who, she is going to marry. Also, if her father has his way, she will not be marrying until she is at least 40.

I then took her little hand in mine, looked at her, and said, “Besides, you cannot legally marry until you are at least 18 years old, that will be 13 years from now.” (I skipped the part about getting parental permission or getting yourself declared an adult.)

As soon as I said the words '13 years', I immediately felt a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. Though I know logically that 13 years is a long time from now, it really does not feel that far away. In a little more than a decade, my little baby will be legally a grown up!

Where did the time go? And how in the world can I stop her from growing up, or at least, prevent her from becoming a teenager...

Then she looked up at me with her big innocent eyes and told me 18 is very old – if she thinks 18 is old, what am I? Some sort of ancient hag?

She then shrugged her shoulders, and told me yeah, maybe he or she will find someone else. And, she happily skipped off to play.

It made me kind of want to freeze her at this age forever.

from this...

to this in a blink of an eye... sigh...

ring picture courtesy of Johanna Ljungblom

Another school year is over

It seems like only yesterday when I held her little hand, walked her up the steep hill, and then let her go with, well, essentially a stranger. And now, I am a little reluctant to let that former stranger, now beloved teacher, return my child back to me.

Ah... summer vacation... days off for little ones (and big ones), but more work for mom. It is once again my job to entertain her.

I love spending time with my daughter, but I also enjoy and need my time, alone, away from her. Sometimes my ears just need a break (my little one is, as my husband likes to call her, a “constant stream of consciousness”).

I am so going to miss my morning breaks when I can do things like clean, go grocery shopping, have some peace and quiet, stare at Youtube videos, and yes, even occasionally blog!

At least I am better prepared for it this year. We signed her up for three weeks of camp, spaced throughout the summer (one at the beginning, middle, and end). Last year, I was still booking her for August camps in July (late July)... And, I am smart, or evil; I put her favourite camp (ballet) last, so that I have something to threaten her with during these long months... the 'if you do not behave, I am going to cancel ballet camp!'

I think camp will be good for both of us. I like the idea that she will meet new friends, and maybe even learn something; and being away from me should hopefully help ease the shock of going back to school in September.

And for me, I think camp will allow me to keep my sanity, and would probably make me a happier, less bitchy mommy, which should make everyone happy.

Now.... how many days are there left until September....

What are your summer plans?

To correct or not to correct...

I know it is my job as a parent to teach my child, and to 'correct' her when she is doing something wrong.

However, sometimes I find it very hard to do that; especially when it comes to the way she speaks.

My little one is getting older now, and she is losing the last vestiges of her 'baby talk', so I am finding it more and more difficult to correct her pronunciation of certain words (I do try to correct grammar, though that might actually do more harm than good).

I just REALLY miss hearing her say lellow (instead of yellow).

We are trying to help her communicate better with words so that other adults have a chance of understanding her, and are actively trying to remove the 'likes and okays' from her sentences to try to avoid the “like okay mom, like okay, you are so like not cool...”

However, I just cannot let go of her cute little 'words'. It feels almost like I am saying goodbye to my baby, and I am not sure if I am ready to say hello to my little big girl yet.

So, the only thing I have left these days are my “isgusting's” (instead of disgusting), and I plan to protect them as long as I can. And, I do not care who it 'isgusts'.

Making the Magic Last

My little girl is convinced she is a fairy. I believe she is sometimes a evil little gnome... but most of the time, I have to agree, there is something quite magical about her, at least to me.

Since school started, she has convinced herself that with the help of some magic words usually “Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo; Abracadabra,” she is able to change red streetlights green.

I thought about explaining to her that the light is going to turn green whether she says the words or not, or that magic spells work about as well as repeatedly pressing the crosswalk button... but then I stopped myself. Why stop her from seeing magic everywhere?

I am going to try and keep my little magical fairy for a bit longer.

Travelling with a little one.... part 2

A couple of weeks ago I started a list of tips on travelling with little ones. I also realize that I said the next blog would be a continuation of the list, but life happens and I got distracted (sadly, it happens a lot). Ironically though, this is sort of related to this set of tips...

I only have a few tips on what to do during the trip.

1. Plan and research BEFORE you leave. There should be no one standing there going 'okay, what do you want to do now...' or even worse 'I'm BORED!' These complains should be restricted to weekends at home.
   
   
   With this wonderful world at your fingertips, literally (what did I do before Google?!?!), do a quick search of your destination, and highlight some places where you would like to visit. This is a great activity to do with the kids too, and it might get them excited for the trip.
   Also note where these fun activities and places are relative to where you are staying... i.e. if everything is far away, maybe it is worth considering renting a car, or be prepared to take transit.

       Finally, there are lots of sites that list activities for specific age groups.

2. Now that you have plan, be prepared to throw your plan and schedule out the window. I think I may have mentioned this in one of my previous posts; I am a obsessive planner. Sometimes, I think I must had been a train conductor in my past life, because I like things to happen on schedule (okay, my schedule). I learned on this trip that staying on schedule is both difficult, and frankly, not fun.

It was probably my fault for trying to pack way too many activities into this vacation. We had a limited amount of time, and I wanted to see as much as possible. So instead of enjoying myself and allowing others to enjoy themselves, I found I was always rushing people (okay mainly my little girl) to the next thing on the list.

Children will mess with your schedule. I do not think young children understand the concept of time at all. They seem to have their own funny little internal clocks, and decide on things like: 'today, I am going to take 2 hours to eat my lunch,' and 'I need to use the bathroom for the fiftieth time'. It is impossible to plan a day around interruptions like that.

Also, over planning and obsessively sticking to a schedule will prevent you from doing spontaneous things. So, the two hour lunch prevented the afternoon museum visit. Maybe we can go shopping instead (maybe I will treat myself to something nice because of my distress over the scheduling crisis...), and hope that we can do the museum another day... I guess what I am saying is just breathe if things do not go as planned, who knows, it may turn out to be more fun. (And one day, I will actually follow my own advice).

3. Decide on what to do about your normal routines before the trip. Speaking of scheduling... since my little one was old enough to eat solid foods, lunch was at noon, nap at 1:30, dinner was at six and she should be in bed by 8:30.
   On vacation, we decided that schedule was almost impossible to meet, so we just winged it. I am lucky, my kid is pretty flexible, and she is four now, so she no longer has an afternoon nap, (though she still occasionally needs one).

You should decide prior to the trip (do no really want to argue about this during the trip) whether you want to maintain their daily routines, or just say screw it, for a couple of days. Granted, you must also be prepared to deal with the consequences after if you choose this route; it took us about a week to get her back to going to bed early again.

You can also try to maintain their daily routines. We did that for our first vacation when she was very little. Meal times were pretty much the same, give or take 30 min, and everyday we went back to our hotel room, and we all took a little nap before going out to play again. Though we spent more time in a hotel room than I would like, I was willing to live with it because my husband and I decided that our daughter was still very little, and needed both a little rest and the consistency.

And once again, be willing to change depending on how your child behaves. Like, if my child started acting like she was possessed after missing a nap or two (she is like that sometimes)... you can bet that I would have said screw shopping, we are going back to the hotel for quiet time.

I guess what I am trying to say is plan, be prepared, but also be flexible. AND don't be like me... take time to breathe and to just enjoy this special time together. At least take a moment before rushing off for the next thing.

I am sure I will be adding to this list as I travel more, and I really hope for the opportunity to travel more with my family. I also hope that my little one will remember these trips fondly, like I remember my childhood trips with my parents (we will just pretend the fights never happened...).

Gotta go dream about my next trip.

I would love to hear about your vacation tips.

Pictures courtesy of: Dragan Rusov  and  Jean Scheijen

Conquering one fear at a time...

So we made it. She made it back from her field trip alive and well (see last post), and she had a wonderful adventure.

I made it too! I dropped her off at school without any incident, and I did not even hang around to watch them get on the school bus.

I find it very hard to not impose my fears onto her. So while images of lost little children and car crashes danced through my head, I continued to put on my happy face and told her that she will have a great time. I do not think she noticed my fears, at least I hope not; she was smiling and excited the entire time.

Okay, there was one little cloud that crossed her face.

I decided to put a note with her school's name and phone number, along with her father's and my contact information into her pocket. Of all the crazy scary scenarios, the losing her school group was the most likely. Even my husband agreed that this was not an unreasonable safety precaution, after all, she was going somewhere filled with other little kids, and my child is (A) quite little, and mainly (B) gets distracted very easily.

I do not think the idea of getting lost ever crossed her mind until that point. I reassured her that this was a just in case thing, and we had a quick talk about finding another teacher, or a police officer if she could not find her group. Then I told her to stick to her friends like glue.

It is hard to do these safety talks without scaring and scarring her, because like me, my little one tends to jump to the worse case scenario. So, when I said quick safety talk, I meant it. I did not want her to dwell on it too long, and we quickly moved right back onto how much fun the trip is going to be.

I want my daughter to be curious, strong, brave and confident. I want her to explore the world without fear (but cautiously, of course). Now if only someone can help me be strong, brave, and confident and tell me how to let her go.

Oh! the added plus for this trip; she had half an hour more of school! Maybe field trips are a good thing after all.

Fighting my Fears

I always thought of myself as being one of those parents who allowed their kids to explore the world with minimal supervision.

Helicopter parent, I am not. I am kind of surprise that the school has not called the cops on me considering how many bruises my kid has on her sometimes – there are times when my kid's love of climbing exceeds her ability to climb that something, and yes I let her fall. BUT, I do make sure that she will not get really hurt, i.e. break anything.

I always believed that giving my child a sense of freedom and the ability to make her own decisions (within limits), and thus the opportunity of making and learning from her own mistakes is important. She has so far mastered the making mistakes, but is a little slower on the learning from it part.

And, I always thought that I was pretty good at controlling my fears and not letting the possibility of something going horribly wrong to affect my decisions.

Well, now all that is about to be thrown out the window... the nearest bus window... you see, my child is about to go on her first school trip; on a school bus; without me. Yes, she is going in a vehicle, with someone else watching her (and a whole bunch of other four and five year olds), and the vehicle does not have a five-point-harnesses system, or some other form of restraining device built in.

I know logically that the chances of something going wrong is very slim. And, there are other adults keeping an eye on her. BUT the other adults are not me.

I am currently trying very hard to ignore all those horrible scenarios that just keep popping into my head (we are talking everything from bus accidents, to the kids being taken hostage, to my little girl getting lost during the trip). So now, I am fighting my urge to just keep her at home with me, and maybe covering her up in bubble wrap and locking her in her room.

The thing is, I am not even sure where this fear and sense of dread is coming from. Until now, I have never been worried about leaving her somewhere. I was never one of those parents who got teary eyed at school/camp drop offs. I was the one who quickly waved and then ran to enjoy my couple of hours of freedom.

Maybe I am afraid this time because I am being forced to acknowledge that she is no longer a baby. This time she is going somewhere without me.

So, I hope my nerves will hold up, as I keep telling myself that everything will be fine, and it will be great. She will have a wonderful time.

And, I will keep in mind that at least I will not be trapped in a metal box with a bunch of excited four and five year olds.

What do you do when you feel scared, but know logically that there is nothing to be afraid of?

picture courtesy of Sam LeVan

Travelling with a little one

My family, including my in-laws, recently took a short weekend trip out of town.

So you might be thinking that I am a very lucky girl to go on so many trips (see this post and this one ), but the truth is, I usually blog post trip, but as I so rarely blog, it just seems like I go on a lot of trips. Still, I admit I am lucky to have the opportunity to go on these trips.

The trip was fun! The weather was not great, but it did not dampen anyone's spirit even if it literally soaked us one day. I consider any trip that does not result in me wanting to kill my travelling companions a great trip (my family usually had one major blow-up per family trip – I think it was because we were just not use to being together, in such close quarters, for such an extended period of time).

However, this post is not about the trip, but some lessons I have learned about I thought I will take this travelling with a small child:

Part one – from home until the plane.

1. It is okay to over pack (for the kids), but do not go nuts. I am a huge believer in being prepared, maybe it is reminiscent of my old girl guide days, but I have a tendency to pack for all four seasons. I have learned to restrain myself to packing for only three seasons by packing clothes that can be layered. I know over stuffing your luggage can be very expensive these days, but children clothes really do not weigh that much, so pack a couple (NOT DOUBLE) extra outfits and definitely extra underwear, and socks. Even if the kids are toilet trained, you never know if they will get themselves soaked or really dirty – my child has yet to meet a puddle that she does not like. Also, the one and only time I did not over pack, it SNOWED, in late APRIL!

Having said this, keep in mind that for the most part you should be able to buy what you forgot or do not have enough of at the destination. Also, if you are planning to buy a souvenir t-shirt anyways, maybe pack one less than.

2. Bring entertainment, and be prepared to make/be entertainment. You never know if the plane will be delayed (we were stuck at the airport for TEN hours, and were down to our last diaper), or if the weather really sucks, you may be stuck in your hotel room. I like open-ended toys, so it has the potential to keep my kid occupy for a bit longer. I bring things like play-doh, a notebook, things to draw with, a doll or dolls. Once, between the stuff we had and the stuff we found at the hotel, we could had set up a pretend restaurant and store in the hotel room (take out containers from the restaurant, plastic cutlery and cups etc...). We also usually go and buy her some little (and cheap) new toy for the plane. I find anything new will usually keep a child occupied for 15 minutes.

3. Electronic devices are sometimes our best friends. I found my iPad a great source of distraction. For one thing, it weighs next to nothing, and I can load a whole bunch of children stories onto it, along with games, and movies. We packed books once, and they weighed a lot, so we could only bring about three. No one wants to listen or read the same three books for a week, now we have dozens of books on my iPad, and the machine can even read them to her. I am not too thrilled about letting my kid play with my electronic gadgets all the time, but hey, it keeps her happy waiting for and during the time on the plane, so I am willing to live with that.

4. On the plane, sometimes you may have to throw some rules out the window. At home we have a pretty strict television watching time limit, however, on the plane, we allow her to watch all the television she wants (assuming we were lucky enough to get one of the planes with the little personal television systems). Yes, I admit I let my child watch almost three continuous hours of television on a flight to Florida. I figure there are very limited amount of activities she can do on the plane, it is not like I can ask them to stop the plane so I can take her to the park for a run, and I am not really comfortable letting her play in the aisles; it seems like the attendants are always serving something or collecting something and I am sure the other passengers might appreciate not seeing an excited kid play like a monkey in the cabin. Sometimes, in these situations a little bending of the rules is probably good. Like, so what if we give her an extra piece of candy if it can help keep her distracted from her ears hurting during take off and landings, or that she gets an extra cup of juice because it makes her feel this is extra special, and keeps her hydrated in the very dry cabin.

Do you have any tips?

Next post will probably be about what I learned during the trip.

Kids and talent and parental obsession

Ever since I was little, I wanted to be really good at something. Not that I suck at everything now, but I find that I do not really excel at anything either. I always felt that if I had found my talent or passion, it would had made my life a bit easier, at least made finding a career that I can stick with easier.

So now, I find myself overcompensating with my daughter. I know you are not suppose to re-live your own life via your children, but it is hard to resist that temptation. No one wants their kids to live through their mistakes; and everyone wants their own children's dreams to come true.

I can now easily see how people end up with musical instruments that no one plays in every room, loads of half finished painted canvases, smelly old sports equipment in a pile somewhere in the basement, and incomplete science experiments growing in the fridge. We already started our musical instrument collection with a lovely pink guitar that has not been touched since the day it was opened at Christmas, and a small violin that is sitting on a dining room chair at this very moment.

I am sure there is a fine line between allowing your child to explore their potential talents, and dragging your child kicking and screaming down a certain path, or even going down the slippery slope that will lead to remortgaging the house to afford skating lessons. Wish someone will tell me where that line is.

Anyway, my daughter's newest obsession is photography. We let her use one of our old digital cameras to take pictures of anything she finds interesting. I think some of her pictures turned out really good.

So as a proud mama bear, here is a small gallery of my daughter's pictures:

Now if you will excuse me, I have to go out and buy her a new camera.

Does your child have a talent? What do you do to encourage it without going overboard?

All pictures are the property of my little monkey