Post Mother's Day thoughts....

Nothing quite says Happy Mother's Day like an early morning scream from your child's bedroom. The good news was that she was not hurt; she just had an 'accident'. Really, does the child not realize she has a father as well...

The last time my daughter had an 'accident' was more than a year ago... so why Mother's Day of all days...

Since I was up early, I started to think about if this was what I pictured motherhood to be... while grumbling and swearing under my breath as I loaded the laundry machine.

Actually to everyone's surprise, including mine, and especially my mother (which does not say much about my mother's opinion of me), I LOVE being a mom.

I love spending time with my daughter. I love watching her grow, do, and learn new things. I love watching the ever changing expressions on her little face. I love watching her create and make stuff. I love the hundreds and thousands of ugly crafts that she brings home from school – even if most of them end up in the recycling. I even sometimes love it when she is being a little bit naughty, as she finds really interesting and creative ways to be naughty (but that will be our secret)

However, I still have moments of doubt, of what in the world did I sign myself up for. And, moments when I think about handing in my resignation.

I admit there are times when my child frustrates me to the point that I just want to yell to her that “I QUIT! You think you know better, fine, you are on your own kid.”

I think I might have actually done that once or a dozen times... I am not proud of this. I know there are better ways of communicating my displeasure than to give my child an abandonment complex. But, I have a bad temper, and though I try very hard to control it, sometimes I still explode. I do apologize to her after, and explain that mommy did not mean the things she said, but mommy was very upset, and when you are upset, sometimes you end up saying things to hurt people. Usually by then I am calm enough to talk it out again.

So this mother's day, I will make my daughter this promise (I am probably repeating my new year's promises). I will try very hard to never say I will leave her ever again, at least not indefinitely – I make no promises to stop threatening to send her to her grandparents' or aunt's house overnight until I calm down. I promise to try to calm down and to spend more time listening and less time yelling/nagging at her. And, I promise to try to be the best mommy that I can be for her. And if this does not work, I am packing my bags and moving to Hawaii...

Does anyone have a suggestion to help me calm down before I start yelling at my little girl? So far, I am resorting to 'mommy timeouts' – I lock myself in my room for 5 min (preferably with wine) to attempt to calm down before dealing with her again.

Is it okay to ask? Or is it too late?

There is a park near my house that my daughter and I love to go to. The park is just the right size, I can see her from one spot, there are lots of communal toys in the sand box, and there is a set of monkey bars (my daughter's favourite playground apparatus).

We especially like to go, because we have a set of 'park friends'. Yep, my daughter has her own posse of little people, and I have a group of moms that I can talk to while the kids play.

Now here is my problem. There are a couple of moms that I see on a fairly regular basis; I know what they are going to have for dinner, I know what their kids like to eat, how fast their kids eat, their kids' extracurricular schedules, if people in the family are sick, heck, I even know about their kids' bowel movements (which is surprisingly quite a common topic of discussion for parents...).

HOWEVER, I have no clue what their names are, and I have known these women for years! I am pretty sure, at one point, we introduced ourselves, but at the time I was probably staring at my kid making sure she was not going to break something.

So how does one re-introduce oneself (I use to have dogs, and we had the exact same problem)? Is it too late to do it politely? Should I just keep my ears open and hopes someone else use their name? Or should I just suck it up and say 'look, I am so sorry, but I have no clue what your name is'?

And, my worst case scenario, which has happened more than once, occurs when my husband drops by. The group of us usually stand around and chat for a bit, and then everyone suddenly quiets down and stares at each other, waiting for me to make introductions. But I can't!! Because I do not know anyone's names.

I swear I am not being rude, I am just incredibly forgetful. Can I blame mental incompetence?

The only good thing I can think of... even if they think I am being rude ... they probably do not know my name either.

Favourite Times

I saw a question couple of days ago asking: if you can freeze time, at what age or stage would you freeze your child?

And, it got me thinking about and looking at my daughter. I was shocked at how much she has grown, both literally (I swore those pants fit her better last week) and figuratively.

My little one is four now, and I am fascinated by this age and stage. One minute she appears to be so mature, so wise; and then the next minute, I swear she suddenly turned 14, and has become some eye rolling teenager; and just a quick moment after that, she is my little baby again. It is quite an adventure to be experiencing all these stages simultaneously, and seeing such big emotions and reactions coming from such a little body.

But then thinking back, there were highs and lows in all the ages and stages that we have gone through together so far.

I remember I loved being pregnant. It was the only time when I did not have to share my little girl, for nine months, she was all mine. On the other hand, I really did not enjoy almost throwing up every time I brushed my teeth – do you know how much it sucks to brush your teeth, feel nausea, throw up, and then have to brush your teeth again, followed by more nausea, it was some cruel never ending cycle... I was also not particularly thrilled about not seeing my feet, and the stretch marks suck too.

After she was born, I watched her grow and be more aware of her environment. With every day, every week, and every month that passed, she became more and more fun and more interactive with her father and me. And by the time she was one, she started to walk, and can even say a few words! I never thought I could love someone so much. I also never thought my back could hurt so much. And, how in the world was she able to tell when I was not paying attention, and wait until that exact moment to do something dangerous? Also, I missed being able to put her down and finding her again in the exact spot where I placed her.

And then in a blink of an eye, she was two. A very talkative little two year old at that. She loved telling me about her imaginary dogs, and friends, and pointing to things and asking lots of questions. It was amazing to see the world through her little inquisitive eyes; she was just fascinated by everything! On the other hand, one can only answer the question: WHY? so many times each day. Also, at about this age, my daughter discovered her favourite word is NO!

Wow, and before I know it, she was three. She started going to pre-school, so I got a couple of mornings off, YEAH! I think this was when we both learned to be more independent. And, my little girl was definitely independent, or maybe just stubborn. At this point, she started to help a bit more around the house, like setting her own spot at the table, sorting through her laundry, and putting her toys away (okay, throwing it in a basket, which was good enough for me). She was also toilet trained!!! So no more diapers!!! But independence had its draw backs too, by insisting on doing EVERYTHING “self”, it sometimes took us three times as long to do anything. For the most part, I did not mind, but it was a little bit annoying if you were trying to leave the house on time. Also at three, my little one was starting to talk a lot more. The problem with a very vocal child, was that sometimes their vocal skills were aimed at me, sigh... yep, my little angel was starting to argue and talk back at us. I am so not looking forward to the teenage years.

And now, we have come full circle, right back to now.

So, I guess, in this long rambling post, to answer the original question: I do not think I want to freeze time, as my favourite stage is NOW! Yes, there are things that suck, but for the most part, I love her to bits, and raising her is an exciting, and wonderful adventure (for the both of us I hope).

Do you have a favourite stage/age for your child?