Secrets to a good marriage....

So I think I may have stumbled on one of the secrets for a great marriage while I was mopping the floors the other day. And the secret is...

    Marry someone whose tolerance for dirt and messiness is less than yours.   

    This way your partner will most likely breakdown and clean before you do.

But I did not do that. My mother did though, as my father does most of the cleaning in their house, which makes my mom a very happy person.

Not that I do not have a good marriage, but I think my relationship will be even better if my husband cleaned, picked up, or tidied more often.

And I am not even a very clean/tidy person; I am one of those people who think it is silly to make the bed since it will just get messed up again later. As a child I never picked anything up until my parents threatened to throw the object (or me) out of the house. But sometimes it feels like my family takes this tolerance to clutter and stuff EVERYWHERE to a whole new level.

There are times when just walking into my daughter's room will instantly cause my blood pressure to rise. I am surprise she is able to find anything in her room. Hell, I am surprise she can even walk in there. However, at least with her, I can use threats to get her to tidy up and clean a bit (usually with my help). I find telling her that she does not ever have to clean her room, but then mommy will come with a garbage bag to clean it for her usually does the trick.

With the husband, I am not sure what will work... Sometimes I will even test our tolerances for garbage lying around, kind of like a staring contest. I will purposely not throw away something that is obviously garbage to see who can take that piece of trash sitting on the counter longer. I usually blink first.

Actually the husband is not actually that bad. He may be messy, but he is clean. He will make sure to do things like scrubbing down the counter tops if he cooks chicken, and disinfecting the toilets. However, he sometimes leaves his socks on the bedroom floors for a week (we finally got a new hamper, so no more socks on the floor!) or the recycling next to the recycling bin.

And he knows my hate for cleaning. One mother's day, or anniversary, I cannot really remember, he offered to hire me a cleaning person. Not just any cleaning person; he found a company that sends good looking cleaning people who will come to clean your house in various states of undress. My first question was do they actually clean? Because what will turn me on at this point is a guy who is using his arms to dust the top of the book cases or on his hand and knees cleaning my floor moldings.

There is a Part B to the above mention rule – you can marry someone who does not mind messes everywhere if you a) really like to clean or b) learn to like to clean.

I am finding somedays cleaning isn't so bad after all.

Almost naughty mommy moment...

Every night I check on my daughter before I go to bed. I usually find her in some odd sleeping position (never in the position that I put her in bed), snuggled up with her stuffies and blankets.

She looks so angelic sleeping, probably dreaming of fairies and princesses, or pirates and dinosaurs or maybe a princess dinosaur pirate fairy... who knows...

And so, there she is in bed, all peaceful, innocent, with not a care in the world... and that is when I want to do it...

There are so many times when a little naughty imp in me thinks it will be very funny to wake her up in the middle of the night and pretend it is time to get up for school (keep in mind it is still summer vacation).

I know it is mean, but come on, she kept me from sleeping through the night for at least a year and a half.

But to this day, I simply give her a kiss, tell her I love her, and walk out the door...

However, it does not mean I will never try this little prank...  

The year's Valentine's Day Letter

And here is this year's belated love letter.... (I am starting to see a trend... sigh)

Dear Deep Breath,

It has been a while since I have taken some time for you.

My life seems to be so hectic these days, running off to school, zooming to after school activities, getting food ready, cleaning (okay, I do not really clean that much...) and then planning for things to do on the weekend.

I feel like I forgot how to just stop and inhale. I feel like I am going nowhere fast.

Just the other day, I took my daughter sledding; knowing that we had a very small window to do this activity – a) the sun sets at 4:30 (at least it no longer start setting at 3:00...) and b) it was freezing. So there I stood watching her zoom down the hill, and then SLOWLY coming back up the hill with her toboggan. She was employing the two step forward, three slides back method of climbing up the hill. I was, of course, getting annoyed standing up there waiting for her. After all, she was the one who wanted to do this. I was about to yell, when I noticed that she was giggling, laughing and having fun!

This was the moment when I remembered you my long lost friend.

So I stood on top of the hill, took a very deep breath, and just enjoyed the scenery. I was literally at the top of a hill (and we had the hill to ourselves that day) watching a beautiful sunset and spending time with my daughter. So really, who the hell cares that we were not going up and down as many time as we could pack in. The whole point of this was to go outside, get some fresh air and have fun! If she has fun falling down the hill, I should just let her.

So from this point on, I am hoping to rediscover and spend more time with you. To stop, take a deep breath, and just enjoy the moment.

Forever yours,

Me

Letters from previous years

2013

2012

2011

Sometimes reading is overrated...

For the last two years my husband and I have been trying to get our child to read. After much encouraging, bribing, yelling, crying, begging, hair pulling... she is now willing to read on her own, and sometimes, she even enjoys doing it.

And then, I discovered that my child likes to read at the most inconvenient (and sometimes inappropriate) times or places.

I remember one incident that took place a couple of years ago while we were out getting dessert. Up until that day, I was able to avoid telling my small child about certain ice cream flavours (the ones embedded with a lot of candy, and therefore has a lot of extra sugar) because she could not read the menu. For this outing, my daughter suddenly decided she was able to read the words 'Easter Egg'. Prior to that words like 'a' and 'the' were sometimes beyond her reading ability. I was not quite sure whether I should be proud or annoyed.

Then just last week, my husband was walking down the street with her when they approached a light pole where someone decided to exercise their artistic ability and wrote a word for the world to read. That word of course was F*%#. And, my curious and now literate child decided that this was the perfect time to practice sounding out a new word. Being a single syllable word, and having years of practice with early readers describing different colour trucks, ducks and pucks (we are Canadian after all...), she did not have any trouble sounding out the “F” word; and then proceeded to say it out loud, and quite proudly, to her father in the middle of the street.

Maybe teaching her to read was not that great of an idea...

Feeling Old....

Ever have one of those days when everything seems to be going pretty good? You fit into that tight pair of jeans that you never thought would see the light of day again; your house that you cleaned during the weekend, is still clean on a Tuesday; Dinner is all prepped and ready, and it is only 3:00 in the afternoon.

And then the child will inadvertently, and most likely inevitably, say or do something that will make you feel OLD... And I do not mean the usual, aching back, knees, joints, head kind of old... I am talking about mentally exhausted; when did I become my parents old...

Here are just a few examples of how my child had made me feel very old, or in her worlds “ancient”.

1. One day, I had to explain to her how payphones worked. At least she stopped saying that pioneers used payphones. Yes, darling, there was a time when phones were attached to walls, and people were not tethered to their phones....

2. What in the world did you do before Google?!?! I will never forget the complete look of shock on her face when I told my then three year old that when mommy was her age, there was no such thing as Google. No honey, not all answers to all your questions are found by typing into mommy's iPad.

3. When did I decide that 9:00 is now way too late to be out? Really, I am close to a full on panic attack if we are not home by 9:30. I still remember, back in the day, when I would leave to go out at about the same time that I am going to bed now.

4. Though this has absolutely nothing to do with my child. I do not remember the last time that I was carded. Do I really look that old now? At least I have yet to be called mam...

5. Conversations like this:
   a. Kid – Mommy, how old are you?
   b. Me – How old do you think mommy is?
   c. Kid – 50?
   d. Me – No... sigh... sigh.... (and off to the phonebook, not that my kid knows what a phonebook is, to look for a plastic surgeon....)

6. April 20^th is now ... well just April 20^th ...

7. And of course... looking at my little baby, and realizing that she is no longer a little baby, but starting to be a big girl now...

I am sure I have left some stuff out ... well in my old age, I tend to forget stuff easily...

What does your child/children do that makes you feel old?

A Valentine's Day letter...

Okay... I am a bit late with this year's love letter (here is last year's letter)... but I figure it is better late than never...

To my darling Patience,

I cannot really say that I miss you because I never really 'had' you in the first place.

You are the one that got away.

You remain, always, almost within my grasp, just slightly out of reach, a fleeting shadow seen out of the corner of my eye.

There are times when I think that I finally understand you, when I finally catch you, only to have you vanish like smoke after the slightest provocation. Come to think about it, you are a bit of a tease.

You are one of my greatest regrets.

And, I do not want to live with regrets.

I would really love to forge a relationship with you. Nothing ephemeral, something solid that we can build on for the future.

So what say you? Will you help me my darling? Show me your ways. Hold my hand when I want to scream and yell; or, help me take cool, deep breaths when my temper flares.

I do not think I am a lost cause. I will try very hard to work on our relationship. So please, stop running, stay still, and let us see what sort of future we can have together.

Waiting patiently for your reply...

Love,

Me.

A Letter to a Loved One

Last year for Valentine's Day I wrote a letter to something that I had been missing. So, this year, I decided to do the same thing.

And, of course I love my family, and I try to both tell and show them that everyday; not just on one day. But, this poor thing, I have been neglecting, so I think it deserves a letter.

Dear Peace and Quiet,

I am so sorry that we have not been spending much quality time together. And, I do realize that when we do meet, passing out from sheer exhaustion does not count.

I also find it disturbing that our time together usually starts with some yelling, “For (blank) sakes, why can't mommy just have 5 minutes of Peace and Quiet,” or begging, “For (blank) sakes, can mommy please just have 5 minutes of Peace and Quiet.”

I would really like to try to avoid that unpleasantness this year, as I find our time together after such stress so much less satisfying.

I know we are getting better this year, with school and all, but things still seem to get in the way. Yes, I know I should be the blame for this. I really should just turn off the TV, or vacuum, or computer, or whatever it is I think is really important and must be done at that moment, like folding the laundry, and just enjoy some time alone with you.

Perhaps, we should try and set some time for the two of us to reconnect, maybe over a nice cup of tea, and maybe even a book! Yes, something with more than two sentences per page.

I sincerely hope that we can find our way back together again, and renew our time together.

Miss you lots, and Love Always

Me

More things that I have learned from my daughter.

I am starting to think that I should call my daughter mom...

Before I became a mom, I had these little daydreams of taking my little one to the museum, or the gallery, or little shopping trips, but I did not have any dreams involving acting like a complete idiot just to see a smile on someone’s face (okay only one person), and then feeling really good about it.

Yep, my little one has taught me to be less self-conscious. Who cares if people are staring at us when we do our silly walks or silly dances down the sidewalk (as long as it does not cause a traffic jam), and we are not really hurting anyone if we decide to wear polka-dots and plaid out for lunch one day.

And, most importantly, there is no such thing as laughing too loud (granted there are inappropriate times to laugh, but that is another issue all together). Even if the laughter, right now, is over the word “bum” (yes, it is my child’s newest obsession... jokes about bums and what comes out of them... and yes, I am anticipating a call from her school next year).

So here is to being young, carefree, silly, and all the bum jokes you can take.

What I learned from my daughter…

As a mother, a major part of my job is to teach my daughter things. You know, things like looking both ways when crossing the street (even if it is a one way street), chew with your mouth close, boys are icky… the usual stuff. However, this time it was my little one who showed me something…

Sometimes, it is best to throw away the best-laid plan and just go rolling down a hill.

The other day we had a birthday party, and of course there were snacks, pizza, presents and CAKE! Cake is always very important. This party, we tried something different. We had organized games. This is when I truly appreciated how hard her teachers worked - trying to organize a bunch of three and four year olds to do something together that involved order was like trying to herd cats, a group of wild cats.

The kids did play the games, sort of. They had fun, especially when they made up their own rules. But for my little one, the highlight of her day (besides cake and presents) was the sheer joy of running up and down a hill near the birthday party site. Yep, that was it, no need for fancy decorations, weeks of careful planning, hours of praying for no rain, days spent shopping for all sort of party related stuff, all we needed was a hill and some grass and she was happy.

This party made me realize that I over complicate and over think things all the time. I should be happy with what is there, enjoy the simple pleasures in life, and to relax and take a tumble (albeit gentle one) down and hill and just have fun.

so not for small children

I love this book

And, I can definitely identify with the father in this story, as I sit here watching my child NOT sleep. I know I will never actually tell my child to go the fu*k to sleep, but I admit it, I thought about it. I thought about swearing at her when she is really bad too, but I would never do it (at least not until she is much older). Granted I have never been much of a swearer even before the child - though you should watch out for a child that says bloody hell a lot….

Anyway, back to the book…the only thing better than this book, is Samuel L Jackson reading it! (look it up in youtube, it is GREAT!)

And, I too am going to go the fu*k to sleep now. Goodnight.

I have become a walking Disney ad....

My sort of first review…

Recently, I have discovered that I have become a walking advertisement for Disney. I never thought this was going to happen, but there I was, spewing the wonders that is a Disney Cruise.

Maybe I am still experiencing some sort of post-vacation bliss (unlike my last vacation). However, you would think this blissfulness would have ended after doing three loads of laundry, discovering that I have to cleanup after myself (and the family); purchasing and preparing my own food; and finding out that there is no room service button on my phone…

I guess this is why I really enjoyed this cruise; I actually felt like I had a vacation!

Sure the ship was gorgeous, the weather was great, the shows were spectacular, and the food was yummy (a little too yummy, as I found out that I did not need to use a belt by the end of the week…). But most importantly, unlike our last vacation, we were able to have time away from our child. It was nice to spend some time alone with my husband, even if it was just sitting on deck to read a book together.

This vacation, after learning my lesson from our previous one, I wanted a set of grandparents to come with us. But it turned out I did not need free babysitting after all (I am still glad they came). The price of the cruise included a children program (for those three and older, and toilet trained). And my child LOVED the program. Given the option between hanging out with her folks or going to the ‘club’, she picked the ‘club’ every time. I am not sure if I should be happy or offended about this…

I really have to hand it to Disney for the effort they put in to make children happy, which in turn makes parents happy. Their children program was great, my little one got to spend time with kids her age, make crafts, watch movies, dance with Snow White, read to by Belle, and play with all sort of other characters! For parents, the program is very flexible; we can drop her off for five minutes or for the entire day, as the club is open until midnight on most nights (but we never did). AND you can leave the ship! So the night that we docked until 1am at Key West, the grown ups left the ship and went out for a drink!

As much as I love her, and want to spend time with my child, I need a little bit of time away from her to recharge my own batteries. So this vacation allowed us to spend time together as a family, and be able to do our own thing. I think this is the recipe for a great vacation, at least for this family.

And yes, the Disney cruise was loud, but what do you expect with a boat full of small and excitable children, and the lineups to see the characters were long, though I heard it is still much better than the line up at the parks, and it is a bit pricier than some other cruises, but this cruise pass the ultimate test:

When asked if she would like to go another Disney Cruise, my daughter said “OF COURSE” with a big giant smile.

Now if only I can win the lottery to pay for the next one…

The other relationship in my life...

Yes, today is Valentine’s Day, but instead of writing about how much I love my little one (whom I love more than anything in the world; and I tell her that almost everyday, not just once a year), I decided to write about my other relationship…. The one with SLEEP.

Dear Sleep,

I have noticed that in the last few years, we have started to spend more time apart. I try not neglect you, but life has gotten in the way. I am so sorry. I feel bad for letting you sneak down my priority list, somewhere below laundry, dishes, and cleaning, but please know, that in my heart you are still on top.

We really should work on our relationship. I remember when we use to have little quickies in the afternoon, but now prepping for dinner has gotten in our way. There really does not seem to be enough hours in the day for us anymore.

I know it is mainly my fault. I can spend a bit less time in front of the computer and more time with you, but sometimes, staying up late, is the only time I have for myself, and I do treasure that time.

I remember reading this article a couple of years ago and thought these women were crazy for neglecting you… and now that I think back, I was probably reading the article at midnight. Apparently, I was already putting you aside.

So this year, I will try to spend more time with you and less time on Facebook, or Twitter… or maybe I will just clean less….

Let us see if we can fix this, I no longer want to feel like two ships passing in the night; I want quality time together. I know we will both feel better.

I miss you.

Love Always,