Screw Date Nights

One of the things that I miss most from the time before I was a mom, and before I was married (which was so long ago that I had a pet dinosaur named Chompy) was having time by myself.

I confess that I am actually all by myself as I am typing this. However, I am constantly staring at the little clock at the top of my screen to make sure I pick my daughter up from school on time.

So, to be more specific, I miss having stress free, unscheduled time by myself. I miss being able to do what I want without the constant sound of a ticking clock reminding me that I have to drop my daughter off or pick her from school,a play date, a class ...

I miss eating crappy (but tasty), food in front of the television, right from the pot or container, without feeling guilty about not setting a good example. Granted, I can still do some of these things, but that requires me to wait until my daughter goes to bed – so I miss being a messy sloth at a reasonable hour.

And no, I do not actually hate date nights, but sometimes I just cherish the thought of not being with the kid AND NOT having to talk to someone more. I just do not want to think about or plan conversations (we have to or else we end up spending the entire evening talking about the kid). Besides, date nights usually involve planning, they require dinner reservations, or movie/show tickets, which means we must agree to a movie and a time; and even without these things, dates require booking a babysitter (sometimes this must be done months in advance...).

Alone time involves a bowl of food, of some sort, pyjamas and a television remote – no child care is needed because the other parent has the kid.

So now, every once in a while, for the sake of my sanity, I ask my husband to take the small child out for the day or evening. I like to tell myself that I am doing this because it is good for them to have some daddy and daughter time.

In reality, I use this time alone to recharge my batteries. Sometimes I even miss them a little bit. Now if missing them a little, along with a little break, allows me to be a better and more attentive parent, can you imagine what a wonderful parent I will be if I get a week off!

(To be honest, there is no way I will last a week without my family, but a night or two is worth a try...)

video games, giving in to evil?

I finally gave in. I bought my kid a video game, not a video game I wanted and that she might be interested in. A video game just for her.

I know there are countless studies out there that says video games are bad for kids – increases violent tendencies and aggression, decreases interest in school, increases antisocial tendencies, possible increase risk for depression, increases risk for obesity; and creates urges to jump on

things that look like mushrooms... (okay, maybe not that last one).

But here is the thing - and keep in mind, I love my daughter more than anything in the world - the child has NO hand-eye coordination. And yes, I know there are better ways to improve hand-eye coordination, like taking her outside (which we do lots of already, the child is a great climber) and playing more 'sports' with her, or just throwing things at her, but apparently getting hit in the face (it was one of those soft Nerf balls), has neither taught her to catch better or to get out of the way.

So, I figure maybe playing a video game may help her learn to react a little bit better; without the risk of physical injury. Okay, she can still fall off the couch, but at least it is not mom throwing a ball at her face again (and no I was not aiming at her face, if I was aiming at her face, it would had probably hit her feet... this may explain the whole lack of hand-eye coordination thing).

The other reason for the video game is, sigh, I am pretty sure we have now said goodbye to nap time. She may not need her afternoon nap, but I need it. I need a little break, if anything, just to prep dinner and maybe have some coffee or tea before afternoon 'activities' start again. I figure a bit of video game time may be slightly better than just watching television. At least video games requires some thinking. My feeling is maybe a couple times a week, half-an-hour of television or video game time and then an hour of 'quiet', meaning leave mommy alone time, should be okay (I hope).

And, it is not like I bought her Grand Theft Auto. She got a Dora the Explorer game.

The last reason why I am getting her a video game, and I am the one bowing to peer pressure on this one, a lot of her little friends are playing video games (luckily her close friends are not). I would feel bad that when the time (I am pretty sure this is not an 'if' situation) comes for her to visit a friend's house and they end up playing a video game together, I really don't want her to get her ass whipped.

photo courtesy of stocker

A Letter to a Loved One

Last year for Valentine's Day I wrote a letter to something that I had been missing. So, this year, I decided to do the same thing.

And, of course I love my family, and I try to both tell and show them that everyday; not just on one day. But, this poor thing, I have been neglecting, so I think it deserves a letter.

Dear Peace and Quiet,

I am so sorry that we have not been spending much quality time together. And, I do realize that when we do meet, passing out from sheer exhaustion does not count.

I also find it disturbing that our time together usually starts with some yelling, “For (blank) sakes, why can't mommy just have 5 minutes of Peace and Quiet,” or begging, “For (blank) sakes, can mommy please just have 5 minutes of Peace and Quiet.”

I would really like to try to avoid that unpleasantness this year, as I find our time together after such stress so much less satisfying.

I know we are getting better this year, with school and all, but things still seem to get in the way. Yes, I know I should be the blame for this. I really should just turn off the TV, or vacuum, or computer, or whatever it is I think is really important and must be done at that moment, like folding the laundry, and just enjoy some time alone with you.

Perhaps, we should try and set some time for the two of us to reconnect, maybe over a nice cup of tea, and maybe even a book! Yes, something with more than two sentences per page.

I sincerely hope that we can find our way back together again, and renew our time together.

Miss you lots, and Love Always

Me