So I started to run again... and when I say run, I mean jog very slowly.....

I am being honest with myself, I am running to help lose some weight. Though being healthier and having more energy are nice bonuses as well.

This has been a dreadfully cold winter, so I helped keep both me and the house warm by baking and then consuming lots of cookies and muffins. And due to the cold, we did not move a lot – though we did learn to move very quickly running from one warm indoor place to another.

Now that the weather is getting warmer, I realize the dreaded bathing suit season will soon be upon me. There will be no more hiding under two layers of sweater and a coat that looks like a sleeping bag – I am pretty sure I could have gained 50lbs and no one would had noticed under all my clothing. So as the layers are about to come off, so must the weight.

I actually hate running. I have bad knees; I hate getting hot and sweaty; and I do not actually enjoy feeling like my lungs are burning.

However, I am also incredibly stubborn. I am determined to run 5km. I got close last year – I can run 4 – 4.5km without wanting to die, but then it was too hot, or too humid, or too cold, then there was too much light, not enough light... as you can see, it takes very little to convince me not to run.

But, I started running again this year, determined as ever to reach my goal.

Part of me worry though, I am doing this to lose a couple of pounds, and I am unsure what sort of example this sets for my little girl. I really do not want my daughter to start worrying about her weight or develop any body issues. And as much as I try to not voice my own weight issues in front of her, I nevertheless slip up sometime.

I want my little girl to grow up healthy and be happy with her body.

So I am hoping this running thing just shows her that mommy also needs to exercise and eat properly to stay healthy and to keep up with her; and not mommy would really like to fit into her old jeans again.

Why do I exercise?

Okay, I started to exercise the other day (confession… I exercise just about as regularly as I blog…), but it did get me to think about what type of message I am sending to my little girl. Let’s put it frankly, I am not exercising to feel healthier, or to get more energy, though those are excellent side benefits. I am working out because I am going to go on vacation and I want to look good in a swimsuit.

While I try very hard to teach my child that looks are not everything (she is currently a bit addicted to people calling her pretty…), and that we should try to exercise and to eat well for the sake of being healthy, and not to live up to some ideal body image; I turn around and sneak peaks at pretty glossy fashion magazines and wonder how the models get their tummies so flat… or if that fad diet really works….

So yes, I confess, I am a bit of a hypocrite…

But I really do want to teach her to feel good about her body, especially since she wants to be a ballerina when she grows up, granted, she also wants to be a princess fairy, so maybe I do not have that much to worry about when it comes to a career choice where body image/type is a pretty big issue.

So, I guess I will try to live by example and exercise and eat less junk food to feel healthier and to have more energy… looking better in my swimsuit will just be a nice side benefit….