Hello God...

My daughter came home the other day and told me about a problem at school. Nothing big, someone, or thing, was knocking some toys over, and she could not figure out who, or what, it was. So she and her friends decided to stakeout the toy area to catch who was doing this naughty thing. Apparently the plan failed. I guess they got bored after five minutes.

Then I asked her what they did next... and she told me they sat and prayed to God. I said, “Excuse me?”

Yep, my daughter and her friends got on their knees and prayed...

I was not raised in a very religious household. I did go to church when I was little, but I basically thought of church as a place to colour and make pretty crafts. My dad continued to drag us to church until my early teens, and then he got tired of fighting with us every week, and/or he started enjoying sleeping in.

Anyway, with my daughter I pretty much left religion out of our lives. I want it to be her choice when she is older.

However, I am starting to think I am wrong in my approach of completely ignoring religion. My daughter is now being told about God by a bunch of other six and seven year olds. And, If I remember correctly, young children often mistake God for Santa Claus. I had to tell her that God is not there for you to pray to for stuff, it is more complicated then that.

So maybe this is the year I finally tell her that Christmas is not about getting presents and Santa, and that Easter has very little to do with a bunny and chocolate eggs.

I hope that as a family, maybe we can also research what other people celebrate and believe in (her school does discuss most major religious celebrations, last year, she wanted to light a menorah, but I forgot when Chanukah started...).

I realize that we will be going on this new adventure with a heavy Christian bias (I teach what I know), but my goal is for her to learn that it is okay to believe in other things (as long as it does not hurt other people), and even if you do not always agree, you should respect other people's point of view. Or, in terms she understands – just because mommy thinks Toopy and Binoo is the most annoying cartoon ever made, it does not mean that you cannot like it (however, sometimes you may just have to watch it in a different room....).

Do you have suggestions on how to talk to your kid about religion?

So I have been feeling a little blah lately.

I see all these unfinished projects around me, but I lack the will to get my ass in gear to complete any of them..

Take writing for example. I am barely writing twice a month. Twice a month... I was aiming to put something down once a week... and really, it should not take me that long to type a few words, after all, I am not aiming to write 20 page essays. It is not even because I have no idea what to write; I have a couple of ideas gathering cobwebs in some corner of my mind. I just don't seem to be able to get motivated.

I turn my computer on, and instead of doing something productive, I play games, watch Youtube videos, sit there and wait for my friends to add new posts on Facebook, or read all sort of gossipy celebrity websites..

Meanwhile, my floors are gathering dust, the clothes in my closet are threatening to fall down on me, there is some sort of science project growing in my fridge, and my bathroom is... okay, I still clean the bathroom, I am not that gross yet... but close.

I just don't feel like doing anything. And simply thinking about finishing projects makes me feel overwhelmed, and yet, I feel restless. I want to do something, yet I do not know what, and how.

Maybe I need a change. Or maybe I just need to hunker down, get a list going and just do something. I know I will probably feel better if I just finish something.

Maybe after posting this, I will finally pull the vacuum cleaner out again or maybe I will just watch one more video online.

So I started to run again... and when I say run, I mean jog very slowly.....

I am being honest with myself, I am running to help lose some weight. Though being healthier and having more energy are nice bonuses as well.

This has been a dreadfully cold winter, so I helped keep both me and the house warm by baking and then consuming lots of cookies and muffins. And due to the cold, we did not move a lot – though we did learn to move very quickly running from one warm indoor place to another.

Now that the weather is getting warmer, I realize the dreaded bathing suit season will soon be upon me. There will be no more hiding under two layers of sweater and a coat that looks like a sleeping bag – I am pretty sure I could have gained 50lbs and no one would had noticed under all my clothing. So as the layers are about to come off, so must the weight.

I actually hate running. I have bad knees; I hate getting hot and sweaty; and I do not actually enjoy feeling like my lungs are burning.

However, I am also incredibly stubborn. I am determined to run 5km. I got close last year – I can run 4 – 4.5km without wanting to die, but then it was too hot, or too humid, or too cold, then there was too much light, not enough light... as you can see, it takes very little to convince me not to run.

But, I started running again this year, determined as ever to reach my goal.

Part of me worry though, I am doing this to lose a couple of pounds, and I am unsure what sort of example this sets for my little girl. I really do not want my daughter to start worrying about her weight or develop any body issues. And as much as I try to not voice my own weight issues in front of her, I nevertheless slip up sometime.

I want my little girl to grow up healthy and be happy with her body.

So I am hoping this running thing just shows her that mommy also needs to exercise and eat properly to stay healthy and to keep up with her; and not mommy would really like to fit into her old jeans again.

March Break Mommy Brain

So I did it. It really was only a matter of time before it happened.

Last week, I sent my daughter to a class that did not actually exist.

Yep, we woke up early on a Saturday morning; rushed through our morning routine (I probably yelled at her to hurry her up); then I tightly pulled her hair into a bun; woke up her father, who gulped down his coffee; and finally I sent them both running out the door to ballet class.

As soon as they left, I leaned back, sighed, and had my second cup of coffee and started to relax. Then the phone call came...

Husband - “.... Hun... are you sure she has class today? The doors are locked...”

Me - “What do you mean the doors are locked? I read the email... they are only taking a break from Tuesday until Thursday. Hang on... I will check the email again.”

dramatic pause

Me - “sh*t – Tuesday until the Thursday after March break.... sorry”

Considering how many programs my daughter has been in over her short lifespan, I am actually shocked that I do not do this more often.

I can blame my mind slip on many things: being overwhelmed, being tired after March Break, desperately needing to have the house to myself... But really there is only one person at fault here – ME. I was not doing the thing I tell my daughter to do everyday – pay attention.

Lesson learned. And, I believe my little one gets to get away with not paying attention this week, at least once. Also, I guess it is time for me to get a new calendar.

Winter Blues....

Winter is usually my favourite season, but even I am reaching my breaking point.

When is it going to warm up?

Okay, I do not actually mind the snow, in fact I much prefer the snow than the disgusting brown goop – the mixture of mud, slush, dirt and a winter's worth of unburied dog excrement – that shows up each spring.

However, I am so sick of the cold. I am sick of wearing three layers of sweaters inside my house; I am sick of putting on my large, shapeless, yet remarkably warm coat every time I have to leave the house; I am sick of stomping around in boots that look like something astronauts wear; I am sick of being stuck inside my house because breathing while outside causes my nose hairs to freeze; and I am sick of getting fat, because I am trying to help heat the house by baking more.

I would like to pause this winter rant by thanking my parents for insisting that I learned to ski when I was little. If it was not for skiing, this winter would SUCK.

I am so very happy that my daughter LOVES to ski; it allows my family to do something fun, and outside in the winter. Also, since skiing is mainly a weekend activity, and there are really not that that many great weekends to ski each year, it does help make time fly a little bit.

So instead of: Oh crap! What do you mean there are three more weeks of winter!!!

It becomes: Drat! Only three more good ski days left... sigh...

Maybe I should hold off on hoping to finally put the winter gear away, and instead I should pull it all out, pack up and try to hit the slopes a couple more times before I start complaining about the summer heat, and dreaming about snow again.

Oh... screw that ... I am still not going to stop dreaming about a nice tropical beach vacation.

How are you beating the winter blues?

The year's Valentine's Day Letter

And here is this year's belated love letter.... (I am starting to see a trend... sigh)

Dear Deep Breath,

It has been a while since I have taken some time for you.

My life seems to be so hectic these days, running off to school, zooming to after school activities, getting food ready, cleaning (okay, I do not really clean that much...) and then planning for things to do on the weekend.

I feel like I forgot how to just stop and inhale. I feel like I am going nowhere fast.

Just the other day, I took my daughter sledding; knowing that we had a very small window to do this activity – a) the sun sets at 4:30 (at least it no longer start setting at 3:00...) and b) it was freezing. So there I stood watching her zoom down the hill, and then SLOWLY coming back up the hill with her toboggan. She was employing the two step forward, three slides back method of climbing up the hill. I was, of course, getting annoyed standing up there waiting for her. After all, she was the one who wanted to do this. I was about to yell, when I noticed that she was giggling, laughing and having fun!

This was the moment when I remembered you my long lost friend.

So I stood on top of the hill, took a very deep breath, and just enjoyed the scenery. I was literally at the top of a hill (and we had the hill to ourselves that day) watching a beautiful sunset and spending time with my daughter. So really, who the hell cares that we were not going up and down as many time as we could pack in. The whole point of this was to go outside, get some fresh air and have fun! If she has fun falling down the hill, I should just let her.

So from this point on, I am hoping to rediscover and spend more time with you. To stop, take a deep breath, and just enjoy the moment.

Forever yours,

Me

Letters from previous years

2013

2012

2011

Happy New Year! again....

Okay... I am finally ready to make my anti-new-year-resolution wish list....

Yes, I know it is already February, but hey, it is still Chinese New Year!

Anyway, this year, my list is pretty simple. It will include some of the stuff from my previous lists, see here or here. 

But this year, I am borrowing my list from my daughter. Child's teacher asked her and her class to make some resolutions (her teacher did not know my anti-resolution stance).

My little one decided that her resolution is to have more FUN!

I was a little offended about her resolution at first; after all, I spent most of my day planning on how to make her life fun... which I admit sometimes involve activities that she does not always enjoy, like violin practice (“but I swear it will be fun once you can play actual songs!”). But really, the child plays about 90% of the time excluding the hours she is in school (which I am pretty sure still involves lots of playing), and the time she is unconscious (probably dreaming of play).

And then I thought a bit more about it, and figure, you know what, we all can use a bit more fun in our lives.

So this year, my wish list has only one item on it.

HAVE MORE FUN! (and try not to get injured while doing so; oh and maybe only after the dishes are done...).

 I am of course going to continue to try to be the mother that my daughter needs me to be, and this year, I am going to try to listen more and lecture less... (I managed to do it for an hour now!).

What is your resolution or wish list for this year?