The inner tiger escapes

I think I just had my first tiger mom moment, at least the first that I am consciously aware of.

So there I was, sitting with my child, at her little homework table, making her copy a simple pattern that I drew on a piece of paper. And, at some point, I told her that she was not to leave this spot until she got the pattern right. I think we sat there anywhere from 30 min to an hour.

This was definitely one of my not-so-proud parenting moments. I forgot to mention this happened in the evening, and I knew she was tired (we were all tired), and still I could not help but to push.

I just did not know what else to do.

My daughter is a pretty smart little girl, and can pick up a lot of things pretty easily; when she wants to. My husband and I often joke that she can probably start doing calculus now if she puts her mind to it. It is the 'when she wants to' that is becoming the problem. If she is not in the mood to do something, and it is not coming easily to her, she will just give up. I do not want her to go through life and just give up on every obstacle. I explained to her that not everything is easy, and sometimes it takes many tries to get really good at something. But, there she was, at her desk, half-assing the picture and telling me that she could not do it. It was not like I was asking her to recreate the Sistine Chapel, it was two little parallel lines.

So I pushed and pushed and said no to little mistakes. I am proud that there was no yelling the entire time; just lots of 'no, please try again'. Okay, I am very ashamed of the threats though – the there would be no time for a bath if you take any longer to do this (the child does not like to be dirty) and the if you do not at least try, what is the point of you going to school, maybe you should just stay home and be a blob (she also really likes school).

It broke my heart when the tears started to come, but I decided that this time, I will show her that mom will not give up on her, and she will not give up either. She does not understands right now, but I think the worst thing I can do is to give up – even if all I want to do is to throw my hands up and go, you win, mommy gives up.

Yes, I think maybe we did go a little overboard over two little lines this time (I am also a big believer in picking your battles, maybe this time I picked the wrong one), but I just really wanted to make a point.

And yes, in the end, she drew the two little lines. It was not perfect, but it was close, which was all I was hoping for. The goal was for her to look, think, and most importantly try.

I really hope that I do not do this again (I doubt it though), and maybe I can find a better way to approach this next time (I would love to hear suggestions).

For now, the tiger is once again caged. But if it is needed, I still have the key.

photo courtesy of: MeiTeng

Barbie dolls and Tattoos

I honestly do not know what is the big deal about the new, 'controversial,' Barbie doll in the market right now?

The Tokidoki Barbie, with her pink hair, leopard pattern leggins, short skirt, silver stilettos, and TATTOOS, is causing quite a stir. Yep, this Barbie got herself inked.

I really have no problems with tattoos (most of the time, I have much bigger

issues with how Barbie is dressed, but that is another issue completely), especially since I have three myself. And, because I am inked, I feel that I would be a hypocrite to ban my daughter from someday, way off in the future, to get a tattoo of her own. Yep, I said it; I am not against my daughter getting a tattoo someday (and hopefully she will never read this entry).

HOWEVER, I am against stupid thoughtless tattoos.

I believe tattoos are highly personal, should tell a story, and have a deep meaning for the person. My last tattoo, for example, was to commemorate my daughter's birth (no, I did not get it right after she was born; I waited). I knew I wanted something that will always remind me of my little baby, so with the help of my sister's tattoo artist friend, we designed a tattoo together. Okay, she designed, I said yes or no...

I have absolutely no regrets about getting my tattoo(s), because none of them were spur of the moment things (my second one was designed by my sister), and I did not get them because I thought it was pretty, or thought it would be 'cool' to do. Each tattoo says something about my life.

So, I hope when the time comes, my daughter will also understand this. Tattoos are very permanent. There is nothing wrong with them, but you should think long and hard about what you want on your body, where you want it, and most importantly why.

And yes, I am also aware that there are a lot of studies out there that say people still view people with body art negatively – less intelligent and more sexually promiscuous. I try not to judge people based just on appearances, but I understand there is a time and place for displaying yourself. I probably would not want to send my child to a teacher who shows off a full tattoo sleeve, but I would be equally offended if she had a teacher who insist on wearing tight, low cut tops (my child teacher does neither). That is just inappropriate. So, I think perception is about more than tattoos and piercing, it is how you present yourself in a situation.

And as for the less intelligent thing, I think there are lots of smart people with tattoo. Carl Zimmer just finished a book called Science Ink: Tattoos of the Science Obsessed – it is a collection of science tattoos, and some of these are on people with PhD's about things that I cannot even pronounced. (I come from a science, and realize some of these people spend days in the field with no shower, so I guess physical appearances are not always top priority when it comes to the science community. I also worked in the arts, where it would be strange to not have a tattoo)

Now, I have one thing to say to the parents that buy a $50, collector addition Barbie doll for their kids to play with... Would you like to adopt me? I am pretty clean, and I am toilet trained.

A letter to the paparazzi

I think my daughter is cute (okay, I am sure most parents think their children are cute). Occasionally, complete strangers will come up to me and tell me what a cute, or beautiful little girl I have. I admit, my vanity enjoys these compliments, and hers does too, though it would be nice if they say I am cute as well (perhaps if I dressed nicer... but that is a completely different topic for another day).

Now, I know I should de-emphasize the importance of physical appearance; it is what is inside that counts, right? But this too is a topic for another time.

What I would like to write about today is: people, and by that I mean strangers, taking pictures of my kid...

Dear Random Photographers,

Please stop taking pictures of my child, UNLESS you ask first.

Since becoming a mother, I have become more aware of what is happening around my child (though not so much around me...), also I personally hate having my picture taken, so now I have a sixth sense when it comes to people pointing cameras in my, or my child's, direction. So yep, most of the time, I know what you are doing, and sorry if I ruined your shot by stepping between your camera and MY child.

And, no I do not think all photographers are child molesters. I just find it RUDE to take pictures of people without asking their permission first, even if it is in a public place. Would you like it if I do it to you? And, I understand sometimes we get caught in general crowd shots, which is fine, but when you crouch down to the height of my daughter, I am pretty sure you are taking a picture of her, unless you are looking for some interesting art shot of people's knees.

I also get it that you want capture the spontaneity of the moment, so it is not always practical to ask first (trust me, I know my daughter is not always the most cooperative when it comes to posing for the camera). However, you can always ask after, or send some sort of signal when we make eye contact, like point to the camera, point to her... something to let me know what you plan to do, and remember, I see you. Looking sneaky, will not help your cause, and frankly, make you look creepy.

And really, I have yet to say no to anyone that asked to take a picture of the kid. I cannot guarantee she will cooperate, but I will offer to help you try to get your shot.

So please, let us try to avoid me getting all mama bear on you, and just ask.

Thank you and I really do hope that you will get some wonderful pictures.

The kid's mom

picture courtesy of ilco http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1118246

Giving Thanks

We took a short break from turkey day/turkey weekend to think about what we are thankful for (and to digest).

I am thankful for so many things, but I can make it simple by saying I am thankful for my life.

Yes, there are times when I wished I was someone else, but for the most part I am very happy with where I was and where I am right now (thank you to everyone in my life). And though there are also times when I wonder what would have happened if I made different choices, I would not change a thing if it meant not having my family. As well, as much as I love my darling husband, I am most thankful for my little girl.

And here are the things that my precious little one is thankful for (in no particular order):

• she is thankful for her grandmothers, though after some questions, and prompting, she included the rest of her family, including her parents

• she is thankful for her shoes (which by the way, are usually bought by her grandmothers)

• she is thankful for the Earth, because that is the source of her presents (including shoes)

What are you thankful for?

From my family to yours, Happy Thanksgiving.

Quality vs Quantity

The other day my daughter asked me to play with her. I then told her not right now, mommy is tired, and besides mommy has been with you all day... and then I settled her down for a little craft project that she can do herself.

Later that night, it occurred to me that I have not sat down and just played with her in a while. I can't remember the last time we had a tea party, or went pretend shopping in the basement. It hit me that though I spend a lot of time with her, and I mean A LOT - we go to the park, to the beach, to the museum, to the farm, and sometimes we read, do crafts and play board games - we rarely just sit and play.

I think it is my need to always feel productive, or that the activity we choose should somehow lead to bettering oneself that blinds me to the idea of just playing for fun.

So here is a promise. The next time she wants to throw me a tea party; a tea party we shall have, unless I am to tired of course...

taking some time to stop and feed the chickens...

Me time

So after the last post about trying to get things done while my kid is at school... this week, I decided to say screw it. I am taking some time for myself and do stuff I want (mainly surf aimlessly on the Internet for hours). Next week, I might just rent me a chick flick and watch it in the middle of the day.

Now, I just have to get over the guilt of not vacuuming, dusting, doing the dishes and folding that pile of laundry in my room.

One day, I will learn to find a way and do a bit of both. But for now, I am going to sit here, with my coffee, enjoy the fall sunshine, type away on my computer...

... and then quickly run inside and finish putting away the clothes before I have to pick the kid up again.

Time

Today officially marks my daughter's first week back to school (she started on Thursday). So, this also marks my first week of having more 'free time'.

I would like to ask what free time? It feels like I am busier than ever.

At first, even I thought that I will have more time to do stuff for me, like write on this blog, but nope. I have been busy cleaning the house, getting the groceries done, prepping for lunch and dinner, and then repeat. Granted, I am now able to do these things faster as I no longer have to entertain a little one, but it still takes time.

It is amazing how fast two hours fly by. I should probably start thinking of getting ready to walk up the hill again to pick her up. And, yes, her school is at the top of a hill and it takes 15 min to walk up it. I found out I can do it in about 5 min if I run, but I NEVER want to do that again.

So, with all my 'free time', my parents have started hinting maybe I should look into a part time job, or just a job, or even go back to school, like I need another degree. But I do have a job, I started to freelance (write) again, which I love, but sometimes (okay all the time) I have trouble writing on a schedule – so the words do not always come during the two hours of alone time that I have.

Anyway, for my parents' sake, if someone out there would like to give me a 'regular' job that allows me to work in two hour blocks – i.e. 9 – 11 (okay, 10:30 because I have to go pick up the child) and then 1 – 3:30 twice a week, feel free to give me a shout.