Time

Today officially marks my daughter's first week back to school (she started on Thursday). So, this also marks my first week of having more 'free time'.

I would like to ask what free time? It feels like I am busier than ever.

At first, even I thought that I will have more time to do stuff for me, like write on this blog, but nope. I have been busy cleaning the house, getting the groceries done, prepping for lunch and dinner, and then repeat. Granted, I am now able to do these things faster as I no longer have to entertain a little one, but it still takes time.

It is amazing how fast two hours fly by. I should probably start thinking of getting ready to walk up the hill again to pick her up. And, yes, her school is at the top of a hill and it takes 15 min to walk up it. I found out I can do it in about 5 min if I run, but I NEVER want to do that again.

So, with all my 'free time', my parents have started hinting maybe I should look into a part time job, or just a job, or even go back to school, like I need another degree. But I do have a job, I started to freelance (write) again, which I love, but sometimes (okay all the time) I have trouble writing on a schedule – so the words do not always come during the two hours of alone time that I have.

Anyway, for my parents' sake, if someone out there would like to give me a 'regular' job that allows me to work in two hour blocks – i.e. 9 – 11 (okay, 10:30 because I have to go pick up the child) and then 1 – 3:30 twice a week, feel free to give me a shout.

September!

Wow! It is September already!

When I was younger, many eons ago... September to me was kind of like New Year's. It is full of new promises, and new beginnings, after all it is a new school year. Usually nothing new happens, aside from some new clothes, and new school supplies, but how I love those new school supplies...

This year, I am experiencing those familiar feelings again, but this time it is for and through someone else.

My little one will be starting school. She is very excited to finally go to 'big girl' school. I am excited for her to face new challenges, and learn new things. But at the same time, I am a little frightened. I am scared that she might have trouble making friends, have to deal with rejection, and I am especially terrified that she might get bullied, though god help the child that messes with mine...

I know these things are all part of growing up, but must it happen so soon?

Time

I don't believe it! Summer is almost over! Where has the time gone?

I had so many things planned in May that I wanted to do this summer... did I get through my to do list? Of course not. Do I ever get through my to do lists... rarely... but occasionally it happens, just like occasionally we get two full moons in a month.

But honestly, it feels like at times things happen so fast, and

sometimes it feels like time is not moving at all.

For example, this morning I woke up and once again it hits me that my little one will be starting kindergarten in a couple of weeks. Yes, kindergarten. When did my baby grow up? Wasn't I just changing diapers yesterday? When am I going to find time to do back to school shopping? What in the world are you suppose to buy for kindergarten anyways? And then I remember when I was waiting for the result of my pregnancy test, in my bathroom, and those two minutes felt like a lifetime.

Fast or slow... I guess everything averages out over time...

Picture courtesy of: chris gilbert http://www.sxc.hu/profile/iotdfi

Lost Keys and Found Hope....

With all that is happening in the world, it is depressing to think about the direction that humans are heading towards (I believe it involves being in a hand basket). What happened to brotherhood, being good to others and love?

Then, I remember some little thing, a small gesture, one kind act, and my faith in humanity is restored (okay, maybe not a complete faith fill up, but it does makes me remember that not everyone out there is evil).

Last year, I lost my house keys while walking my dog, on a beach. I didn't realize what happened until I got home and fumbled through my pockets (I had many pockets, so I was quite hopeful for a while) to find the key, to get into the house, and to out of the cold. After a couple of minutes of looking, it finally sank in that the key was gone.

I knew someone was going to be home in about 15 min, so I was not too worried about that, but I was worried that someone out there may have my house key. I was already starting to think about how much it would cost to change my lock. Logically, I knew the chances of someone breaking in was slim. I mean if I was a thief, I would realize that it would be faster to kick the door down or break a window than try to fit the key in every door in the neighbourhood (and how was the person suppose to know that the key belonged to someone that lived around here, it could have belonged to someone who lived in another country). But it still did not stop me from feeling uncomfortable.

When my husband finally came home, 15 min later, he found the front yard raked (I figured I might as well clean while I waited). Together, we retraced my steps in hope of finding my key. Needless to say, trying to find a key in the beach, at dusk, is like looking for a needle in a haystack, and we soon gave up.

I guess part of me was still not quite ready to give up, and the very next morning, we went back to the park.

And there! Like a ray of sunshine, were my keys hanging up on a bulletin board at the entrance of the park. I was so happy! And then I noticed the other stuff on the bulletin board; there were all sort of other stuff like more keys, sunglasses, children toys, dog toys, one shoe etc... It seems that the nice people who use this park has created their own lost and found system. And, that some nice person saw my key and took the time to pick it up and put it on the board.

So, I would like to take this time to: Thank You person in the park (and sorry that it took this long), for not only finding my key, but also for reminding me that there are kind and descent people in this world.

More things that I have learned from my daughter.

I am starting to think that I should call my daughter mom...

Before I became a mom, I had these little daydreams of taking my little one to the museum, or the gallery, or little shopping trips, but I did not have any dreams involving acting like a complete idiot just to see a smile on someone’s face (okay only one person), and then feeling really good about it.

Yep, my little one has taught me to be less self-conscious. Who cares if people are staring at us when we do our silly walks or silly dances down the sidewalk (as long as it does not cause a traffic jam), and we are not really hurting anyone if we decide to wear polka-dots and plaid out for lunch one day.

And, most importantly, there is no such thing as laughing too loud (granted there are inappropriate times to laugh, but that is another issue all together). Even if the laughter, right now, is over the word “bum” (yes, it is my child’s newest obsession... jokes about bums and what comes out of them... and yes, I am anticipating a call from her school next year).

So here is to being young, carefree, silly, and all the bum jokes you can take.

Discipline and Punishment

Okay, I know the theory and the reasoning behind discipline and punishment. One is about guidance and teaching, while the later, let’s face it… is about revenge.

Now the problem is about application.

It is very hard to think about discipline when I am a seething ball of rage, and all I can think about is throttling my little one’s throat, like the way Homer does to Bart. Now, I have and probably will NEVER lay a hand on my child, but that does not stop the angry mom in me from thinking about it.

The other problem is that sometimes the logical consequences for discipline is punishing me!

Take for example the other day… my child decided to take forever to eat her lunch, and I was trying to rush her a bit because she has camp (an activity that she thoroughly enjoys). The logical thing to do would be to stay calm and tell her that if she does not finish, there would be no camp. Then I thought about it. If I do not let her go to camp, it would mean I would be stuck with her for the rest of the afternoon… I know, I can take her lunch away, but I think that would actually be a reward for her. And, I am pretty sure my child can last for days (or long enough for someone to call child services on me) and not eat.

So, I walked her to camp. But, during the walk, I was so angry that I was afraid to hold her little hand fearing that I would squeeze it too tight.

Normally, I am not this angry over slow eating, but she has been like this for a couple of days, and she was not eating because she was not paying attention. I think I hit my breaking point when she started to give me attitude when I asked her (nicely) to eat faster. Honestly, when was it okay for a four year old to talk back to her parents?

So, I really do not know what to do. Most of the time, she is a very good girl. She is just stubborn (like both her mom and dad), especially once she is determined to do something.

So here is hoping that she will apply this stubbornness and determination to being a doctor or lawyer…

What I learned from my daughter…

As a mother, a major part of my job is to teach my daughter things. You know, things like looking both ways when crossing the street (even if it is a one way street), chew with your mouth close, boys are icky… the usual stuff. However, this time it was my little one who showed me something…

Sometimes, it is best to throw away the best-laid plan and just go rolling down a hill.

The other day we had a birthday party, and of course there were snacks, pizza, presents and CAKE! Cake is always very important. This party, we tried something different. We had organized games. This is when I truly appreciated how hard her teachers worked - trying to organize a bunch of three and four year olds to do something together that involved order was like trying to herd cats, a group of wild cats.

The kids did play the games, sort of. They had fun, especially when they made up their own rules. But for my little one, the highlight of her day (besides cake and presents) was the sheer joy of running up and down a hill near the birthday party site. Yep, that was it, no need for fancy decorations, weeks of careful planning, hours of praying for no rain, days spent shopping for all sort of party related stuff, all we needed was a hill and some grass and she was happy.

This party made me realize that I over complicate and over think things all the time. I should be happy with what is there, enjoy the simple pleasures in life, and to relax and take a tumble (albeit gentle one) down and hill and just have fun.