Discipline and Punishment

Okay, I know the theory and the reasoning behind discipline and punishment. One is about guidance and teaching, while the later, let’s face it… is about revenge.

Now the problem is about application.

It is very hard to think about discipline when I am a seething ball of rage, and all I can think about is throttling my little one’s throat, like the way Homer does to Bart. Now, I have and probably will NEVER lay a hand on my child, but that does not stop the angry mom in me from thinking about it.

The other problem is that sometimes the logical consequences for discipline is punishing me!

Take for example the other day… my child decided to take forever to eat her lunch, and I was trying to rush her a bit because she has camp (an activity that she thoroughly enjoys). The logical thing to do would be to stay calm and tell her that if she does not finish, there would be no camp. Then I thought about it. If I do not let her go to camp, it would mean I would be stuck with her for the rest of the afternoon… I know, I can take her lunch away, but I think that would actually be a reward for her. And, I am pretty sure my child can last for days (or long enough for someone to call child services on me) and not eat.

So, I walked her to camp. But, during the walk, I was so angry that I was afraid to hold her little hand fearing that I would squeeze it too tight.

Normally, I am not this angry over slow eating, but she has been like this for a couple of days, and she was not eating because she was not paying attention. I think I hit my breaking point when she started to give me attitude when I asked her (nicely) to eat faster. Honestly, when was it okay for a four year old to talk back to her parents?

So, I really do not know what to do. Most of the time, she is a very good girl. She is just stubborn (like both her mom and dad), especially once she is determined to do something.

So here is hoping that she will apply this stubbornness and determination to being a doctor or lawyer…

What I learned from my daughter…

As a mother, a major part of my job is to teach my daughter things. You know, things like looking both ways when crossing the street (even if it is a one way street), chew with your mouth close, boys are icky… the usual stuff. However, this time it was my little one who showed me something…

Sometimes, it is best to throw away the best-laid plan and just go rolling down a hill.

The other day we had a birthday party, and of course there were snacks, pizza, presents and CAKE! Cake is always very important. This party, we tried something different. We had organized games. This is when I truly appreciated how hard her teachers worked - trying to organize a bunch of three and four year olds to do something together that involved order was like trying to herd cats, a group of wild cats.

The kids did play the games, sort of. They had fun, especially when they made up their own rules. But for my little one, the highlight of her day (besides cake and presents) was the sheer joy of running up and down a hill near the birthday party site. Yep, that was it, no need for fancy decorations, weeks of careful planning, hours of praying for no rain, days spent shopping for all sort of party related stuff, all we needed was a hill and some grass and she was happy.

This party made me realize that I over complicate and over think things all the time. I should be happy with what is there, enjoy the simple pleasures in life, and to relax and take a tumble (albeit gentle one) down and hill and just have fun.

Summertime blues…

When I was a kid, I LOVED summer vacation – no school; sleeping in; hanging out with friends; hanging out in front of the TV; being a lazy blob… what is there not to love?

And then I became a parent…

I now view summer vacation with a slight sense of dread. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with my kid, but I also love the couple of hours that I have to myself while she is in school.I need that time to run errands and to clean the house; okay, who am I kidding, I need those hours to watch useless crap on youtube.

Now, she is officially out of school. And, not only do I lose my Internet time; I feel I must find ways to entertain her. Unfortunately, this leads to my second problem… I am a bit of an obsessive planner and scheduler (I blame this on my father). I will plan when my daughter has time to breathe if I can. Also, I like things to run on MY time – if ‘fun’ time starts at 10:00, then it has to start at 10:00, not 9:59, and sure as hell not 10:01…

Now, my child usually will not follow a schedule (willingly), no matter how prettily colour coded I make it – the child does not feel the sense of urgency about anything; I am pretty sure the house can be on fire, and she will still insist on taking half an hour to put on her shoes herself. I, on the other hand, will start feeling anxious if I am slightly thrown off my carefully laid out plan. Not that either of these extremes is a good thing.

This brings us back to why I use to love summer… the potential to do nothing, and everything.So, this summer, I am going to try to take it easy with my little one and see what she wants to do and go from there. We do have a couple of weekend getaways in the early stages of planning, and she does have a couple of weeks of camps booked, but the rest of the summer is FREE!

So, here’s to sleeping in, playing at the park, digging in the sand, biking to nowhere, going on adventures, doing absolutely nothing, and especially the weeks when she is at camp so that I get my couple of hours back.

so not for small children

I love this book

And, I can definitely identify with the father in this story, as I sit here watching my child NOT sleep. I know I will never actually tell my child to go the fu*k to sleep, but I admit it, I thought about it. I thought about swearing at her when she is really bad too, but I would never do it (at least not until she is much older). Granted I have never been much of a swearer even before the child - though you should watch out for a child that says bloody hell a lot….

Anyway, back to the book…the only thing better than this book, is Samuel L Jackson reading it! (look it up in youtube, it is GREAT!)

And, I too am going to go the fu*k to sleep now. Goodnight.

To my little darling...

Dear Little One,

I cannot believe that you are another year older! You are becoming such a big girl now, sorry, young lady! I barely remember what life was like before you. I do vaguely recall more sleep and being able to stay out past 9:00. But now, I will not trade you for anything in the world!

So my darling, here are some birthday promises that I would like to make to you. I promise that we will not always agree - I have a feeling this will get worse as you get older - but I will always try to keep an open mind and to listen to you. I promise that I will not be there to catch every fall, but I will always be there to help pick you up. And, most importantly, I PROMISE to LOVE you forever and ever (even if you do drive me crazy).

And here is my birthday wish for you: I wish you to grow up to be happy in whatever it is that you decide to do (even if it is becoming a fairy princess and not a lawyer...).

I still do not believe how big you are getting. And though I miss my little girl (I definitely DO NOT miss changing diapers), I am very much looking forward to meeting the little person you are becoming.

Love,

Mom

My two cents..

It is hard to avoid, or ignore, that controversy about the couple who decided to keep their baby’s gender a secret.

So, as a mother, I feel that I too should be entitled to put my opinion out there (insert sarcastic tone here…). Anyway, here is what I think: is the baby happy and healthy? If so, then let the gender secrecy continue. Unlike some opinions out there, I think this is far from child abuse; there are worse ways to raise children than hiding their gender. Do I think this is a little strange… YES, but I am far from perfect, so there is no way I am about to throw the first stone.

I do think this though, instead of downplaying their baby’s gender, the parents had inadvertently put it in the spotlight (I do place some of the blame on the media). Gender becomes the big elephant in the room.

When my daughter and I meet people at the park, we introduce names and ages (the kids, not the grown ups), and then the kids play with each other (okay, my kid usually stares at the other one for a long time…), and we move on. I do not ever consciously think: oh, the kid is a boy, so we must play like this, or vice versa… Now, with Storm, I think it will be hard for me to try not to guess. So instead of getting to know the little person, I too will probably be more obsessed thinking about that baby’s gender.

I definitely believe in letting a child develop his or her own identity, and likes and dislikes (and I try very hard to let this happen). I have a little girl, and I do not limit her shopping to only ‘girl’ stuff (I happen to think that little ‘boy’ t-shirts are very cute). I try pretty hard to balance her toys so that she has many options. Right now, though, she is definitely gravitating towards anything with the word princess on it. As my wallet is not infinitely deep, and I am 90% sure she is not going to play with an expensive toy truck, I am going to hold off on buying her ‘boy’ toys just to counter the number of ‘girl’ toys, for now.

And yes, sometimes I too wish I never told my mother what my baby’s gender is just to limit the amount of princess stuff that enters our lives. So I do understand a bit where these parents are coming from. You can control your own behaviour, but there is no way you can control how others behave with your children, especially grandparents.

But in the end, I think the most important thing is that the kids are happy. And, given a choice, I think I prefer their method of parenting, than the parents who push their kids into beauty pageants and other events that goes to the other extreme.

A short note...

Dear Readers,

Hello!

I want to write you a short thank you note for coming to read my little ramblings.

I can hardly believe it; I am almost up to 100 readers! Yes, I realize that many other blogs get more than 100 visitors a day (probably in less than an hour), but this event still makes me feel a little bit special, especially since I did not expect anyone to read this thing.

So to everyone, THANK YOU again, and I hope that you enjoyed what you read. I promise I will try to write a bit more often and to keep things interesting. And, I would love to hear from you too!

Now I shall wait patiently for my first comment…