Yep, we finally did it, my husband and
I took a vacation without the small child.
For weeks, I was a nervous wreck. I
somehow convinced myself that I was the only person capable of taking
care of and keeping my child alive – it did not matter that my
parents raised both my sister and me, or that my husband's parents
were perfectly capable parents as well...
And then came the guilt of leaving her
behind; the constant “mommy you are going to miss (fill in the
blank)” were really starting to wear me down.
And just as my friends predicted, I
started to relax as soon as the wheels on the plane left the ground.
Everything is now out of my hands. I know the grandparents will
spoil her rotten, but she will be fine and breathing, and most likely
filled with sugar and toys, but she will be okay.
To my great surprise, I had fun! A LOT
of FUN! I barely missed her, in fact, I felt a little bit guilty for
not missing my child more. I still thought about her a lot, and
called everyday, but I was glad we left her at home.
I think, I (we) needed some time away
to be grown ups, without having the responsibilities of being grown
ups.
If you think about it, being
responsible parents kind of suck sometimes. Yes, kids gripe because
they feel they have no powers, and are not allowed to make the
rules.... Well children, do you know what is worse than not being
able to make the rules? Making rules for a six year old that you
have to follow as well. In essence, I am putting limits on my own
freedom – or locking myself in a cage that I built.
For example, on our trip, I was able to
leave my hotel room to go out for a drink at 11:00 at night!! I no
longer had a curfew; my evening activity was not determined by
someone else's bedtime.
At home, I am usually getting ready, or
is close to being in bed by 11:00. In fact, staying out after 9:00
makes me feel rebellious (I do go out occasionally, but it usually
requires arranging for babysitting weeks in advance.)
Then there are meal times – meals
must be fed at regular times plus or minus half an hour. My child
needs to be fed on a regular schedule, or else she is a nightmare to
deal with.
On vacation, we ate whenever we were
hungry. Okay, we still more or less ate (or at least snacked) at
noon and six, because for the last almost seven years, I ate at about
noon and six; and I too get cranky if I am not fed on schedule. The
bonus on this trip was since there was no small child to set a good
example for, I got to eat crappy yummy junk food if I wanted to; we
did not, but I could have.
So on this trip, I realize that it is
important for parents to be a little selfish once in awhile.
It was nice to be able to just do what
I (we) wanted and to choose what I think would be fun for me (us)
without thinking if it would be fun for the kid. I do not think I
have thought about what I needed for months.
It was nice to be on vacation and only
worry about my own happiness. I felt my batteries recharge; I am
ready to be a happier mom again. I would probably be even better if
it was not for the jet lag and the lack of sleep during the vacation
(so maybe staying out until 2am everyday was not a brilliant idea).
And then I saw the mountain of laundry
that greeted me when I got home... and my little one starts whining
about something again... oh well... time to book my next vacation.
