The inner tiger escapes

I think I just had my first tiger mom moment, at least the first that I am consciously aware of.

So there I was, sitting with my child, at her little homework table, making her copy a simple pattern that I drew on a piece of paper. And, at some point, I told her that she was not to leave this spot until she got the pattern right. I think we sat there anywhere from 30 min to an hour.

This was definitely one of my not-so-proud parenting moments. I forgot to mention this happened in the evening, and I knew she was tired (we were all tired), and still I could not help but to push.

I just did not know what else to do.

My daughter is a pretty smart little girl, and can pick up a lot of things pretty easily; when she wants to. My husband and I often joke that she can probably start doing calculus now if she puts her mind to it. It is the 'when she wants to' that is becoming the problem. If she is not in the mood to do something, and it is not coming easily to her, she will just give up. I do not want her to go through life and just give up on every obstacle. I explained to her that not everything is easy, and sometimes it takes many tries to get really good at something. But, there she was, at her desk, half-assing the picture and telling me that she could not do it. It was not like I was asking her to recreate the Sistine Chapel, it was two little parallel lines.

So I pushed and pushed and said no to little mistakes. I am proud that there was no yelling the entire time; just lots of 'no, please try again'. Okay, I am very ashamed of the threats though – the there would be no time for a bath if you take any longer to do this (the child does not like to be dirty) and the if you do not at least try, what is the point of you going to school, maybe you should just stay home and be a blob (she also really likes school).

It broke my heart when the tears started to come, but I decided that this time, I will show her that mom will not give up on her, and she will not give up either. She does not understands right now, but I think the worst thing I can do is to give up – even if all I want to do is to throw my hands up and go, you win, mommy gives up.

Yes, I think maybe we did go a little overboard over two little lines this time (I am also a big believer in picking your battles, maybe this time I picked the wrong one), but I just really wanted to make a point.

And yes, in the end, she drew the two little lines. It was not perfect, but it was close, which was all I was hoping for. The goal was for her to look, think, and most importantly try.

I really hope that I do not do this again (I doubt it though), and maybe I can find a better way to approach this next time (I would love to hear suggestions).

For now, the tiger is once again caged. But if it is needed, I still have the key.

photo courtesy of: MeiTeng

Barbie dolls and Tattoos

I honestly do not know what is the big deal about the new, 'controversial,' Barbie doll in the market right now?

The Tokidoki Barbie, with her pink hair, leopard pattern leggins, short skirt, silver stilettos, and TATTOOS, is causing quite a stir. Yep, this Barbie got herself inked.

I really have no problems with tattoos (most of the time, I have much bigger

issues with how Barbie is dressed, but that is another issue completely), especially since I have three myself. And, because I am inked, I feel that I would be a hypocrite to ban my daughter from someday, way off in the future, to get a tattoo of her own. Yep, I said it; I am not against my daughter getting a tattoo someday (and hopefully she will never read this entry).

HOWEVER, I am against stupid thoughtless tattoos.

I believe tattoos are highly personal, should tell a story, and have a deep meaning for the person. My last tattoo, for example, was to commemorate my daughter's birth (no, I did not get it right after she was born; I waited). I knew I wanted something that will always remind me of my little baby, so with the help of my sister's tattoo artist friend, we designed a tattoo together. Okay, she designed, I said yes or no...

I have absolutely no regrets about getting my tattoo(s), because none of them were spur of the moment things (my second one was designed by my sister), and I did not get them because I thought it was pretty, or thought it would be 'cool' to do. Each tattoo says something about my life.

So, I hope when the time comes, my daughter will also understand this. Tattoos are very permanent. There is nothing wrong with them, but you should think long and hard about what you want on your body, where you want it, and most importantly why.

And yes, I am also aware that there are a lot of studies out there that say people still view people with body art negatively – less intelligent and more sexually promiscuous. I try not to judge people based just on appearances, but I understand there is a time and place for displaying yourself. I probably would not want to send my child to a teacher who shows off a full tattoo sleeve, but I would be equally offended if she had a teacher who insist on wearing tight, low cut tops (my child teacher does neither). That is just inappropriate. So, I think perception is about more than tattoos and piercing, it is how you present yourself in a situation.

And as for the less intelligent thing, I think there are lots of smart people with tattoo. Carl Zimmer just finished a book called Science Ink: Tattoos of the Science Obsessed – it is a collection of science tattoos, and some of these are on people with PhD's about things that I cannot even pronounced. (I come from a science, and realize some of these people spend days in the field with no shower, so I guess physical appearances are not always top priority when it comes to the science community. I also worked in the arts, where it would be strange to not have a tattoo)

Now, I have one thing to say to the parents that buy a $50, collector addition Barbie doll for their kids to play with... Would you like to adopt me? I am pretty clean, and I am toilet trained.