My little one has a real talent for pushing buttons, elevator buttons, buttons on keyboards, buttons on toys… and especially my buttons.
The other day I experienced one of those moments that I wish I could take back (okay, I have many of those moments, and not all of them involve my child). I can see myself saying mean and hateful words, but it was way too late to stop myself. I do not even remember what exactly set me off; it was probably one of those things that she has done a million times, but perhaps this time, combined with the lack of sleep and maybe something to do with the cycle of the moon and planets… it was the straw that broke this mommy’s back.
I tend to have a pretty good internal censoring mechanism that prevents me from saying half the things that I want to say to her when I am angry (the ones that are purposefully meant to elicit tears...), but that switch in my brain was off. And as soon as I said those words and saw the hurt and fear in her eyes, it was too late, and now I feel even worse.
Usually, I am pretty good about being upfront with her. I actually tell the little one that ‘mommy cannot talk to you right now because she is very very VERY angry and do not want to say something mean and hurtful to you.’ And then I sit there and ignore her. This is also why I believe in time-outs… mostly to calm me down….
However, every once in a while (okay probably more times than I want to admit) I slip. It is hard not to push back and hurt when someone hurts you (figuratively, not literally). And then I realize that I am doing this to a small child. So what can I do but to apologize about MY behaviour... while trying to convince her that her behaviour was wrong as well…
So, I understand this punishment vs. discipline thing in theory… if only someone can tell me how to do this while the only thought going through my head is that this spanking thing does not sound half bad….
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