The weather is changing

The weather is getting colder now… I guess this means less walks to the park and going outside to play. Now I have to think of more indoor activities to do, at least until the snow comes. So I guess it also means more time to think…

Lately I have been thinking about my complete lack of wanting to go back to work. Before my darling one came, I thought I would be back at work by now, but I remember as her one year birthday approached, the more I dread the thought of looking for a job and going back. I am extremely happy just being at home and watching her discover something new each day. I am very lucky in that I have a choice to not go back to work. Actually, I think for us, it would actually cost us money if I went back to work, as I do not think I can find a job that will justify the daycare costs. And then there is the cost of time. I do not think I want to be away from her all day and miss out on the funny little things. On the other hand, there are days when I feel very tired, and she is being extremely bad that I think to myself… mommy is going to get a full time job right now… and then she will smile and give me a kiss, and I am once again so glad that I am at home.

Is it really so bad to not want to work? Sometimes I feel like I am being lazy. Other women are able to balance being a working mother and raise perfectly happy and well-adjusted children, my mom did it. Am I wasting the many many (and many) years that I have spent in school? Sometimes I feel like I am being selfish. I just want to spend as much time as possible with her, because I know one day soon she will not really need me anymore. I guess there will never a right answer to this going back to work or staying at home question… And I will just take it one day at a time.